a soliloquy needs a title?

Totally got screwed over once
thought it a deserved repurcussion
and set my heart to one yet again
Why is it so fucking difficult to stay
wasnt I above petty things?
I was above other people too
I didn't wanna go with you
I dont wanna see your lot
I haven't got my own lot either
you're just somebody that came with good times
each good thing slowly falling from the table
Fuck! I promised never to move, never to hurt
But now it is all bloody inert
every time I smile I lie
the catalyst only makes me worry
leave me alone
yet not alone enough that i panic
it is one confusing abyss
I wish time stood still
For once I wish everything stayed the same
I wish I did not need you
If only this delirium stayed with me forever
With me suspended in the present
Eternity, come and shoot me into a high place
come and make me stand up on my own
come and make me stop caring!
free me from pain worry guilt hope
give me painless love, if ever
Let me stop clinging to false emotions
I am young yet old
and God knows if I die tomorrow
I die only with me.