rdsherlock

Tisha's diary - being young

2011-09-28T21:52:00.005+05:30

i've written a lot of stuff earlier...in my head. i did type one long back. 1
i dont know why i have chosen to type and store my words again. maybe because there is something on my mind now that is worth remembering later.
i am twenty now. a strange age isn't it? not a teen anymore, and yet so young. my parents refer to thirty-something people as "young". i wonder when one actually stops being young...forty? i have a professor who is forty-five...he is quite attractive.
anyway, the whole concept of not being a teen anymore is weird. i may not get away with immaturity anymore. what is funnier is that i have to think twice before referring to any grown-up guy as "uncle".

dada had this friend. he used to visit us often when dada was in the country. i was 13, he was 20. i loved being around him. he was a smart guy. i was a vivacious teen. he was probably like another big brother to me. and i never really ended up having a crush on him. he is still here. he works here somewhere, and has a 24 year old girlfriend. i would have called him every time i missed dada. but i see her frowning at me the very moment i go near the phone. it is weird. i have never met her. she does not know me either. i would not have thought twice if i were 13. i guess this is what is funny about being 20. you cannot be a sister to random grown-up guys. you are either a prospect or a threat. or maybe i am reading too much into being 20.

i do not miss school. i loved school. i detested the days when the teachers chose to ask us questions and make us stand if we could not answer, but i loved school in general. we were a bunch of 18 year olds when we finished school. there was a lot of grief all around. "i am going to miss you tisha" sobbed a classmate. she is probably on my orkut friend-list. i loved school. but i embraced college with such open arms that the grief of leaving school got lost in the excitement. i had called dada when i got through a couple of places. "i am going to study what i love. bol kon university ta better." he gave me some advice. (wait a minute, had i called him? maybe i had mailed him. either way, he did give me some advice) he was very busy. he had left when i was yet to spend three more years in school. he had left to study what he loved. i guess i had only one thing in common with him-we had both ended up studying what we loved. we had both not weighed the consequences of doing that-dada ended up going far away and being very busy. i ended up staying in my beloved room and being perpetually free to read as much as i liked.
having free time, like being young, is a relative concept. some housewives i know say they hardly have any free time, dada once said he keeps sundays free. i do not call him on sundays though. it is never a good idea to steal a busy man's free time.

if you ask me whether i feel 20, i'll say pretty much. i feel 20-or else i would not have felt the deep pangs of not being a teen anymore. dada had turned 20 in 2000. we had celebrated. i was a new teen. not 12 anymore, and yet so young...so very young. dada must have turned 27 with style...his birthday this year was on a sunday. i had wished him...i had mailed him an e-card. he must have used up some of his free time to view that and smile. i have travelled from 13 to 20 as he has done from 20 to 27. he has travelled faster. i have stayed put in my room-my dear old basement...so very young and so free that i still barely understand what i would do with my thoughts. perhaps when i just have sundays to deal with my mind, i'll stop thinking so much. i'll probably be 27 then...but i'll still be very young.

June 2007
________________________________________________
1 read Tisha's first entry here.

dark circle

2011-05-26T01:36:00.002+05:30

As the bones broke
I got my diamond tooth

As the marks gleamed fresh on skin
I got the foreign-currency marked set

I prayed with boiling blood
For some boiling spit to drown the darkness

Now I keep my hands in check
As break bones with my mouth

Cut his skin in gashes with words
And then say "hit me!"

Hit me with what?
What do you have with you really?

Then ignorance hits with its cool waves
And I dish out goodies

Buy my glib tongue baby!
Buy my voice? My sugared apology?

He buys and I smile
"I have bought some forced kisses! Yay!"

We both buy till I look
I see him with the tooth and the set

But he bleeds just the same
And I see I have sold nothing at all

I got to stop trying to sell and buy
The spit glistens close by as my past self prays.

self-love

2011-02-25T13:20:00.004+05:30

The words went from bad to worse,
So let me bring in some mush
To cover up the counted minutes
And then go back to work...

What work is that?
The decadence is your work?
But they sleep, or they earn their brain's worth...

But I don't want to cross that stupid door
To go and waste some time out there
It's not the same here; it's so much better

You know they do what they do...
Time ticks away as they huddle
With their ill-seasoned spice bundles

I have not enough time with me
And you want some of that?
Is your home more cluttered than mine: that's a shame

Okay we lack our private little corners.
We have ghosts lurking down our spines.
Our history scares us out together; you mind?

I will not answer anymore.
I wish you heal and return.
Smiling, I'll lie in my prosperity.

I can hear the music, I can read and see the films
As my mind speaks to me about a thousand dreams
The mush stays where it should...
And love swoops down from hearts, old and good.

To edit, or not to edit, that is not the question ... / : / !

2011-02-08T17:55:00.002+05:30

I have already let a month of 2011 pass. I shudder to think that my blog is probably listed as "dead" now, but the novelty about a blog is that you can pull it out of its grave in a jiffy.
Since I am learning editing now, every unnecessary punctuation bugs me and I have had to say goodbye to my once-favourite ellipsis which I inserted here and there... it's not a favourite anymore i guess.
Saraswati Pujo allowed me to have this free day, which I spent as it should be spent - without doing anything. I figured I do much throughout the week anyway: attend college, read a bit, attend the illuminating classes on editing and publishing, watch TV, spend some time on the phone and stuff like that.

but honestly, this editing-my-blog-while-i-write-in-it is a menace. it hinders the flow. and now i know why authors need editors. it would murder their thoughts if they had to edit while they wrote :P and where would my blog be without smileys? so yea, what was i talking about?
this year i did not have to make a fresh idol coz we used the collage i made last year, and that made the 'pujo' a little less fun for me. but never mind that. (the comma before this 'and' is NOT an oxford comma or so i believe :P)
...i am running out of topics because i just noticed the freaky ellipsis at the start of this sentence which bungled my thoughts at 'i am'.
so, what's my next course of action? it is to notice that last month i would have probably left 'what's' at 'whats' and happily gone on to the next thing...

OK :P I need to write first and edit later - thereby wasting some time, but I guess i can afford it today!
The shutterbug that used to bite me every hour at one point of time has matured considerably. So I do not click random roads anymore. But I still do it with flowers - random flowers I mean. Among the new things that happened in the last few months would be a minute-long speech I had to listen to by a pretty little girl working for an entertainment company who said how the industry led her to "newfy" her ideas about offices. That certainly renewed (sorry, newfied) my ideas about pretty little girls who have nice jobs, but let me not go into that.

College: it is a place I can never stop calling awesome, so let me not repeat those sweet little anecdotes about it either.
Life at home: it is good; actually better because now I have the perfect amount of free time instead of the scary presence of too many hours and too many plans that were never fitted into the hours. So, like I said before in my rigorously edited paragraph somewhere above, free time lets me be absolutely free these days, and that's incredible.
To think that a few more months will conclude my life in JU is not sad; it is plain strange. It wasn't even close to being strange or sad when I left SPHS, even though I have had some great time there, which probably exceeds the time in JU. I cannot explain it, and I will not explain it even if I could.

dragging this topicless, edited/un-edited post is pointless. i could have talked about cricket i suppose, with all the big tournaments looming ahead. i could have talked about what i am planning to do after JU says farewell (nay, i couldn't have :P) and i could have dropped this charade about editing my blog to give this post some other perspective :P but it's good to have one quirky post or two, innit? reading a text and trying to catch the errors in it red-handed is major fun! i tried it, i loved it! now, is it more fun than resting your faith on the book and just reading? yes and no. i just have to learn when to do which, and till then, its a bit of both. yay for the loss of faith in those horribly translated books, those great books with a single error on page 208 et al. life is going to be good at least till May. and i gotta sign off now... cya on the other side of the thought process, where things don't get mixed. ;)

2010-11-07T17:41:00.004+05:30

River river stupid river
falsely confident intrepid water
I took a walk along ur side (whee!)
with Me and Myself for company
And stumbled and fell
...D time didn't go well
I'll tell u what's safer
you could disappear as vapour
Or i would raise my arm
and use d "obliviate" charm
To clear my mind
of u - my accidental find
River river silly river
murky concoction of incorrect grammar
U bungled my day
(yawn) please go away!

2010-10-17T01:38:00.001+05:30

If you let me live
You will let me thrive
On your bounties
Like you let the meanest smile

You burnt and saved
As the empty years passed
Through the tunnel
You allow the meanest to pass

I refused to be humbled
Unless I fell
Yet you answered me well
When like the meanest I cried

Why do I think so hard?
When I see you shred
The best pictures
You let us meanest paint?

Mine is not done
And yet you let me hope
To leave things behind
Like you let the meanest do

My mean heart aches
As it takes in
Your little whims
My mean lowness weeps and prays

Maybe you break canvases
Yet I hope you only erase
Misguide me to good
Like the very meanest ones there

Stable soil stands
Like a mirage on real sands
Let the sand win
So we mean beings stay put

You have let me live
And you will let me thrive
With your bounties
On a complete canvas as I stoop

tisha's diary - learning to speak

2010-06-10T23:59:00.005+05:30

i live underground
no seriously! i live in the basement.
They also offered me the mezzanine.
but that's not a proper floor too, is that?
i still have my own room though, in the basement.
i try to keep everything here.
from embarrassing little necessities to my most expensive clothes.
but i do not have a computer in the basement.
if i did, i would have lived underground for the rest of my life
like a worm or a mole.

why have i been writing separate lines like in poems while I'm really talking in the vilest commonplace prose? it is quite silly really. someone once said i could write poetry. but i cannot. does emphatic negativity add to poetry? well, not in mine, because i cannot write poems. my little lies only make them worse.
i shall speak like i normally speak from now on. and tell the truth too. and if there is something i don't wanna tell, i shall simply omit it. i hate to type. but people do not read paper. i am not even sure i want to make people read this, but this is just for me. i shall come back to this page on screen again. but if i really write, the words will slowly disappear on yellowing sheets... and i shall forget where i kept them.
i live in a normal house and a normal room. our flat does not have a basement. it is, in fact, on the first floor... with a little below us and a lot above.
typing is funny. i never remember to use caps, or get rid of the occasional sms-ese considered unfit for anything other than orkut conversation and, well, short messages.
my voter ID says i am Tisha Ray and my birth certificate claims i am 19.
i have a handsome big brother and parents- both of them. they told me that when dada was little and i was on my way, they would ask him if he wanted me, and he would say "baby bon nebo"!!!
sex determination is illegal here, but my little big bro cracked it somehow.
i arrived in 1987 on a very rainy day. and they named me Tisha. I do not know what it means, but i like it because it sounds good somehow, and because it goes well with my surname.
dada could cover the entirety of anything i ventured to write, because he is all over my present life and past memories.
i wonder why i am writing something like an autobiography at 19... maybe it is because now i am pretty much by myself, in my room that i tried to pass off as our basement. maybe it is because i have prolonged hours of leisure, or maybe, because dada is an expensive phone call away in a different continent. writing to him is not like talking to him.
so i am storing my words. these words i never paid heed to earlier. but now i have to hold on to them before they can slip away. i am , for the first time, reading my own spoken words.
i am learning to speak to myself.

August 2006

Nasreen

2010-05-25T01:18:00.004+05:30

In between the black silk covers,
I could see her eyes.
Her sleeves refusing to reveal
More than her petal-white fingers...
And what fair fingers they were !
A gold ring shone on her slender fourth finger,
Surrounding it like a chastity belt,
Maybe for some lover
Or maybe for herself alone.

Her feet were covered
In pretty closed-shoes.
Did her soft toes
Have the same shapely nails?
I could dream her hair -
Silk like her covers;
And her perfect being appeared in my mind...
I imagined Nasreen
As innocence reincarnated.

But then you spoke !
Your asking for the ticket
Breaking the vision like a common ailment !
I had not created a voice for you yet.
My dream lost to reality.
Not sweet, nor rusted,
Your earthly notes hit the air.
You were still fair
But suddenly you disappeared in the crowd !

may i drink water?

2010-04-09T16:38:00.007+05:30

Everyone is writing about school, so I thought about sharing a few things from school as well. I loved junior school, where the teachers really taught us the beautiful ways of the world. I equally loved high school, which taught us to unlearn and re-learn those ways in a brand new complicated way, while the teachers taught us various subjects.
But this post shall strictly be about certain fun things in school - all true incidents I witnessed.

Drinking water is a major issue in schools as is its opposite - going to the loo. Let me talk about the first one.

Scene: a computer theory class of the 6th grade, in which I happened to be a student. A sleepy yet stern teacher at the desk, who had finished teaching us what the spacebar is.
Teacher: now, everybody will sit quietly and NO ONE will drink water.
(little girl did not quite hear the orders and started drinking from her white-and-green water bottle)
Teacher: you there.. come here.
(little girl gulps the water down and walks up to the desk wondering what will happen)
Teacher: why were you drinking water?
Girl: I was very thirsty, Auntie.
Teacher: I'm also very thirsty. Am I Drinking water?
(girl wonders why. Is staying thirsty the norm ? Or do you have rabies?)
Teacher: go stand in the corner
(girl goes to the corner for the remaining 10 minutes of the class)

I was the little girl of course and I had this real bad reputation among my friends that I was a hard-hearted self-helping little brat who would never break down even if she was oh-for-shame made to stand in the corner. :D

Another such water incident happened in the 8th grade on a very rainy day. Only a handful students turned up and two sections were seated together. The history teacher of our section let us drink water anytime we wanted, thankfully. BUT all hell broke loose if we forgot to ask for permission. She was taking the class when a poor ignorant boy from the other section made the mistake of drinking water without asking the sweet lady.

History teacher: Why are you drinking water without my permission? STAND UP!
(Poor boy fails to come up with anything. He stands helplessly, water bottle in hand.
A second later, the woman realizes that the boy is not from the section she teaches.)
History teacher: Oh you are from section B!!! Why didn't you tell me???
(Silly boy has no answer to this either)
History teacher: Well, sit down!! And if you need to drink water again, ask me first.

The two incidents taught me important lessons in life. Incident number one of course stood for the rules you have to follow even if they are unexplained and cause you inconvenience. The second one is about how you have to adjust with new rules when you move to a new place :P

They are right when they say school makes you ready for the world. Even the most base elements in school contribute to that.

music lost and found

2010-04-09T16:27:00.005+05:30

It's never a good idea to write when you are wired to your headphones.....
You feel that they are singing your song.. something you wrote - almost always
And if its something u didn't write, you answer back...

but if its just a synthesizer, and you copy out the tunes in words.. do you feel like a thief?

I see huge sea waves
Of a dark blue sea
And a blue-black sky

I can smell salt
And feel the sand crawl under my feet
A gust of wind runs away with my cloak

I turn my face away
To find myself surrounded...
The cloak floats away in the distance.

certain surprises; i finally woke up

2010-03-08T22:31:00.006+05:30

1. I had, sometime in the remote past, singed up for this poster-making competition on a whim. Someone just told me its tomorrow (whaaaatt? oh okay. whatever!). I am guessing its about certain gender-issues, keeping Women's Day in mind. As far as I am concerned, today was Oscar day. I watched a bit of it in the morning and slept through the rest. Now, I can only hope some brilliantly original idea will hit me tomorrow when I start messing up the chart paper (er, making the poster).

2. "Hey! surprise me! tell me something about myself that you have kept to yourself for so long. and send this to 10 people to know secrets about yourself!" I just typed out a text I received thrice today, from three of my wonderful friends. They think I know stuff about them that I nourish in the deepest corners of my heart and will, on this auspicious day, reveal those to them (oh how sweet)! But nothing about 10 years of bad luck if I do not do as asked. So there were three heartbreaking deletions, followed by a feeling of slight regret - maybe they know something about me. I'll never get to know the secrets (ahh what the hell!).

3. I am done and over with sitcoms for the time being. The rightfully hyped and rightly rated Friends was really good. But it came as an overdose. Thus I am going nowhere near the likes of Zee Cafe these days. And those who have not sampled Diff'rent Strokes, do try it out. I can still watch it during my no-sitcoms phase (hopefully).

4. I had this sudden umpteenth realization that to get myself up and working, I need a to-do list. Then I realized that things were so cluttered, I will need a to-do list about the to-do list. So, bacisally, I need to note down the way I'll note down the things I'll have to do. I did a bit of that today, and did it surprisingly well! Why I need such extensive planning can be better explained by the fact that my initial single to-do list would have started with "send the important mail by Monday" and ended with "scratch your bum when it itches, as long as no one is around" ( YES YES I love to plan. Planning is good, at all levels).

5. The last one is about maa. She got pickpocketed (pickhandbagged, to be precise) for the first time in her life this morning in a very busy railway station. She had three major problems -
i> this NEVER happened to her before. how could it happen now?
ii> Howrah does not have a proper security system.
iii> she remembers to have been surrounded by women! a woman pickpocket!!! chee chee

I had my answers to all three, but they did not calm her much, unfortunately.
i> enjoy your first time! its an experience
ii> I had my purse stolen in a stupid and NOT crowded Jadavpur mini(bus). Howrah is a more dignified spot for such experiences. At least people don't blame your carelessness entirely.
iii> now now maa! Do not be such a sexist. kudos to the pocketmaar-ni (like chakrani, and jomadarni) Forgive her. Its Women's Day after all. It would have been a shame to be cheated by a man on this day, isn't it?

2010-01-24T23:18:00.001+05:30

connected.. alone.. transient.. everlasting...
mixed...
but this is the life baby...
you have one
live it :)

careless defragmentation

2009-12-28T00:11:00.004+05:30

like i know or care
its just there
and one tiny click ought to make it die
but why
why deny
or why call it mine
(yeah rhyme it with 'divine'
like you always do)

just ought to sit
and work at the goal
spin out of control
which way?
(you say, you said and you will keep on saying)
the days keep on going
no history
(no comments?
i said no)

compassion?
well, yes
the formalities
social jollities
ice lollies
(i am a baby
i'll eat 'em of course)
the world aint so hoarse

it is smooth
so smooth
just geographical places
(rhymes?
races, faces, caresses?
and braces)
all set
don't forgive but forget

years and years
miscalculated fears
(think of yourself, you silly goose)
let loose
loose what?
lose what?
(not mine not mine
definitely not divine)

abrupt ends aren't fine
but they ought to be revealing
(no concealing
you love yourself too much)
i love you in the mirror
soured
scoured
deflowered history

history
(i oughtta read... read more learn more)
you are such a bore
(history, a whore?)
just like before
know and not care
if you dare
(no i have thrown it bare)

its larger than you think
tiny places stink
drink? think? wink?
(bleh! find a proper link)
i just forgot...
(rhyme it with a steady trot..
a lively little blink)
we shall not sink.

speaking of pronunciations...

2009-11-13T16:34:00.010+05:30

I am going through an intellectual crisis. I would not have been here if I did not receive a triplet of prods from three readers. That obviously made me happy as I don't want to lose my readers, and hence this intellect-less post about (don't try to guess) pronunciations.
This is more about a personal battle about a habit I am trying to overcome rather than a general post. The said nasty habit happens to be laughing at fellow Bengalees if they make the unforgivable mistake of getting the pronunciation of an English word wrong!
Not just Bengalees, Indians usually have this tendency to find something weird about any different accent of English used by their fellow countrymen. Colonial hangover? :) I shall not go into discussing hangovers because not only are they clichéd but I think we are way beyond blaming anything on hangovers.

Here's a scene to support my claim. This, in fact, happened to a friend of mine while he was conversing with a woman from southern India.
woman: You have a wonderful English pronunciation for a Bengalee.
friend: Thanks! (aside) You don't have that Southie streak in your English either!
I guess the aside was not spoken because something important to my friend was in the hands of the lady.
I find the whole sequence extremely funny, and initially I, of course, took my friend's side. But after growing up by several months and giving the whole thing much afterthought, I felt that both were in the wrong. Not only were they mocking each other (assuming the woman's comment to be less of a compliment and more of a racist comment and my friend's unsaid reaction the same), but they were fighting about the correct pronunciation of a language that is grossly distorted by innumerable foreigners, whom we pardon in the blink of an eye.

The hangover theory falls into shreds here itself, because if we were still faithful to our British lords and ladies, we would at least show the courtesy of mocking not only our fellow countrymen, but also the non-British foreign population, who each day strip and dissect the poor language giving it exquisite forms in terms of pronunciations and spellings.
We therefore, worship not the British, but the foreigners (I am not saying whites, because we do not seem to mind the black populace use its own versions of English either).

The Australians say "today" and I hear "to die"...
The Italians say "t" and i hear a much softened thing that weirdly resembles the Bengalee taw!
And let me not start about the section of English-speakers who say "my" and I hear an agonizing call for mummy (pardon "mah" ears)!
But we do not laugh at foreigners. It does not occur to us that English is as much our language as it is theirs. We perhaps give non-Indians the privilege to own the language and we humbly listen on as they speak in their flawlessly inaccurate versions of the British original. (Oh! but they are from America, or Italy or Australia or god-knows-what-ia, and they, of course have their own mannerisms.)

The scene now shifts to home. I have laughed at innumerable near and dear (and not so near and dear) ones behind their backs when I have heard them speak English.
"Pillar" often became "peeler" and "Shakespeare" "Sexpear". The latter, especially, infuriated me. But then I forced myself to notice how people call our dear old Robindronaath - Ravindranaath/Robindronaath/Rabindranath (and sometimes oh-the-horror Ravindronath). Even his surname is not spared as it constantly shuttles between the Bengalee and the non-Bengalee versions! What are Indians anyway? Multifaced monsters to suit different cultures? And on top of that, we get angry when we pronounce some foreign word wrong!!!

Hence began my battle and I am only halfway there. So when the girl next to me says "sale" instead of "sell", I have to remind myself that she is not uneducated. She is just guilty of the same crime as any white Italian or Black American and so on and so forth. To be fair, if I choose to laugh, I must laugh at anyone who messes up the standard- Indian or not. But it is, of course, polite to not laugh at all, as long as pronunciation does not hinder communication.

time schemes in the city

2009-09-23T11:10:00.003+05:30

Its midnight
in my room
Yet i don't feel alone

You're sleeping
somewhere
Is it midnight too there?

I'm dying to tell you
the things that i forgot
You smile in your sleep
like you know I'm there

I hear your breathing
yet you do not wake
My loud and sharp voices
could wake you by mistake

It's morning
outside
I just need to call

You're waking
slowly
Is it morning there at all?

I see you typing
those blurred lines that pay
I'm trying to tell you
please start my new day

Its twilight
here and there
Tell me its the same

I'm going to tell you
to play our little game
You look at me arms open
Your eyes close with mine

You're sleeping
with me
The time seems divine

I breathe slow
and deeper
Nothing breaks the spell

We're breathing
together
Through heaven and through hell

Its daytime
in our room
We both can see the rays

I'm holding
you closer
The room is ablaze

I'm trying to find out
what I left unsaid
The light is shining like gold
Proving nothing's been untold.

indoor and outdoor peeks

2009-07-24T11:04:00.004+05:30

Its been a while. I have had many subjects to write about, but I let go of them one by one and right now I am left with the ghosts of all of them lurking in my mind..

Personal issues that deserved some attention were long forgotten.. but I shall not let them disappear this way so here they are

1. A voter ID - something I should have owned 4 years back. I am 22 and still without one. Thankfully I have the relics of my birth certificate and other stupid IDs here and there that helped me open a bank account. One of these days I may have to hop to the nearest municipal whatever and beg the extremely (un)helpful officials to tell me when when when they are taking down new names. I may ask my parents to go too, but they may say I am 22 and should learn how to get my own jobs done without help. :P

2. My house - I love my house though it could have done with a tiny balcony and an elevator (I am perched on the 4th floor for god's sake. But yeah, taking the stairs helps burn the extra fat I acquire from my daily dose of payesh :P It will continue helping Maa burn hers till her last day :P). Other pressing problems include the alien people (with due respect to travellers and tourists) who live on our first floor. The first floor doesn't exactly belong to me, but then again, isn't it a custom to let the other people of your apartment know before you are letting your flat out as a PG? These weirdos have rented the first floor god knows according to what law, cause I know for a fact that the government has nothing to do with it. Outsiders using the terrace and staircase and corridors sure irritate me big time. But nothing doing here as well. I gotta remember I have my flat all to myself.. mwahaha

3. A piece of good news now. I graduated with a first class and have joined MA classes in the same lovely University. Life rocks. :)

4. My PC and I - Ice Age3, The Pink Panther2, Taken, The boy in the Striped Pyjamas and a few more... I LOVE movies and I LOVE my supplier ;)
I should have elaborated on the movies, but that'll require a new post.

Now the outdoor scenario...
1. the Intellectual problem - A few days (or fortnights) back, this group of intellectuals visited some rural area in West Bengal where there was some political unrest etc etc (I WONT be your umpteenth newspaper. So, for details, hunt down your old newspaper archives :P). Now a friend of my dad's turned up and the two men happily debated whether it is right to call them intellectuals. Being men from a strong academic background they absolutely hated the word when it was applied to the likes of college dropouts who have appeared in a few films or amateur directors. I kind of agree. Some artists ARE intellectuals. But surely they cannot represent the entire intellectual community by themselves. Where are the professors and the doctors and the engineers and the entrepreneurs? And why is it that only people from the film and drama world are the only ones who flock to these sites before you can say "uprising"? Are they looking for movie plots?

2. Its some sort of a transport strike today. No buses or cabs... no college although its a cakewalk for me... the auto-rickshaws are still on the prowl. I can't say I do not like extended weekends, although I do not like strikes. So only books, movies and food are to accompany me till Monday, when college is going to join the merry list ;) OH that reminds me, this girl is going to turn up tomorrow morning for her English tuition. I always tell her to arrive between 8:20 and 8:30,but the silly creature turns up at 8!! Well, I don't mind cause I let her go 15 minutes early, but I am made to leave the pleasures of my bed earlier than I would like to ;) Well, I guess they are prices to pay when you are getting paid well ;)

So that's it for now. Purged my mind of all its lurking ghosts. Will be back sometime (soon) ;) tata

the 15 books tag..

2009-07-01T09:38:00.004+05:30

i get to do a brand new tag after a long time thanx to tangerine... here i have to name 15 books i loved and i cannot take more than 15 minutes to think up the titles... here i go

1. An Autobiography - Lee Iacocca (found this one extremely interesting and motivating.. its the perfect success story)
2. Gone With the Wind - Margaret Mitchell (don't think this one needs an explanation. I went on to read it thrice, and watched the movie almost every day at one point)
3. The Complete Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (this has influenced my mail IDs, Blog name etc etc)
4. The Famous Five Series - Enid Blyton (I grew up with Blyton books, and loved these best)
5. The da Vinci Code - Dan Brown (Was mesmerized after the first read, although later realized that I might have overreacted)
6. Harry Potter Series - J.K. Rowling (they won't write books like these in the next 100 years!!)
7. Tintin Collection - Herge (the lovely lovely books :) )

8. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte (a brilliant classic.. read it in school and became a Bronte fan)
9. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte (I simply love the Bronte sisters)
10. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen (I made the mistake to reading Emma after this one and was extremely disappointed.. nothing parallels Pride and Prejudice)
11. The Old Man and the Sea - Ernest Hemingway (typical Hemingway - brilliant storytelling)
12. What Katy Did series - Susan Coolidge (thanx to these books, Katy became my childhood friend.. i still read parts from the books.. )
13. Uponyash Shomogro - Sharatchandra Chattopadhayay (i loved almost all the novels in this collection... brilliant descriptions of middle class Bengali rural life)
14. Abol Tabol - Sukumar Ray (I am not much of a poetry person, but these were just awesome)
15. Gora - Rabindranath Tagore (my favourite among his novels I've read)

there you are.. am done.. in a hurry to go to college now, so I wont sit and choose 15 random people for this tag.. i tag anyone who reads this tag :D.. now if u r a reader, please be honest and go do the tag.. :)

vacation vignettes

2009-06-12T10:10:00.010+05:30

I do not remember when I last wrote something here... I can easily check the date of course , but that's not a way to remember is that? So, after a LONG time and a few pricks and prods from certain entities (which includes a silly little voice inside my head) , I have decided to post here.. but I haven't decided what to post about. This shouldn't be the case however, because I am enjoying the break after my final sem, and I should be having plenty to say about how college has been so far and what it feels like to be a graduate (I am not one yet, but I have high hopes about this one ;) ).

College has been nice - JU is a very different place from the ones I had been to earlier with its population as diverse and colourful as the Indian nation (which a very old history pamphlet claimed). I am happy to be part of such good institutions... it has given me a weird taste for them. Hence leaving JU without securing a position on a similar pedestal will be kind of difficult. But that has been taken care of. I quite love the MA course-list :).

I shall not discuss academics in this post anymore, because my future plans are still under a state of contemplation and consideration inside my head... I shall come back to discuss them once I carry them out... Now its time to look at the rosy aspects associated with vacations-
the movies I watched at home were mostly nice (Tinkerbell, Little Mermaid and more... I personally recommend both ..and from other genres I ask you to watch The Recruit if you can. I loved it). I went to watch Angels and Demons.. and was muttering about its shortcomings to my poor friend's ear. Its a bad thing if you have read a story before watching it on screen .. its even worse if the on-screen version is a twisted version of the written one with special effects going beyond the scope of cinematic reality and sometimes even touching Bollywood-like dream-visions. I hated how they changed so much in the movie.. or maybe I'm just a more tolerant reader and a less tolerant viewer. But my friend found the movie as weird as I did, which was a consolation because he doesn't read much...
Another movie that deserves special mention is Pushpak. Brilliantly done with no dialogue and a mixture of dreams and jarring reality- I would say its one of the best among the Indian art films.

As for books, I got plenty on my birthday... This birthday also brought me a nice big pink teddy bear (courtesy maa :D) ... I have been reading Code Name God ... the start was really interesting.. then I had to toss to decide which one to start first - The Kite Runner or The God of Small Things. Started The Kite Runner yesterday and only one-third of it it is left for me to finish today. "Brilliant" is one adjective i would like to describe it with... I have never been a good book reviewer, because I feel like telling the whole story in the process. Holding back the desire to say all, while trying to convey how the book is, seems rather difficult. I shall try to sum up how I liked the books once I finish them all. That also reminds me that I have Lady Chatterley's Lover lying peacefully on my shelf. I read up a bit on the story (and of course its author ;) ) and I can't wait to begin with that either.

Enough said in one post... the vacation has been nice so far. A few more days and I shall have to get back to planning and work. And maybe I shall return to this blog sooner this time :)

summer, you have your gifts...

2009-05-03T15:41:00.004+05:30

That's how the Kolkata sky looked at least for an hour this afternoon, and I loved it. The above pic is one of the five I clicked fast with dad's cellphone-cam.
We sure needed a lowering of temperatures... Its raining as I type this post, and my heart flutters with joy as I hear the rain land on the city streets, wetting all its dirt and muck and cooling us down... The breeze is making my hair fly all around my face, as bits of spray hit my back. It was fun to watch maa closing the windows to keep the raindrops from wetting the beds, but I opened them again. Am sure the beds would have loved to get wet too, if they were alive :)
These are the times when I feel that there's no evil in this world, everything is as beautiful and serene as the pure raindrops, and everything is as beautifully transient and repetitive as the different phases of nature...
These are the times when I don't need angry or speculative poetry...
Nature is what it is, and one just needs one's straight simple words to describe it...
I love nor'westers, they are as beautiful as anything that brings a welcome change - just like the first flowers of spring, the first warm ray after winter, or the first droplets that signal the arrival of the monsoons...

Beautiful Lady...

2009-04-22T19:16:00.008+05:30

Beautiful lady
You're just amazing !
Since I saw you the first time...
It was like I could jump into your shadow
And become a part of it...

Stuttering my way through...
Feel the melancholy around me
Take me out...
With your weapons and smiles
We don't have much time !

Little do I know you
Beyond the mirror...
You are untouchable... pure !
Let my impure hands plunge into the glass
Let the skin bleed as I go...

All that matters is getting to you
I fall... and I rise with you
Its like my life exists to make me run on and on...
Beautiful lady
you're still amazing...

P.S. wrote this while listening to Chris Brown's Forever. Have been listening to it for the last one hour. I can safely say it inspired this post.

sweet summer

2009-04-19T22:19:00.016+05:30

Am currently being boiled like the rest of the Kolkatans.. Summer is here, and it'll be another one and a half months before one can hope for a cooler weather... I haven't been doing much...been chilling at home mostly and working on some college projects yadda yadda. Plus there's the IPL to watch and Commandos to play and story books to read... but what's there to eat? I absolutely hate spices, and if there was no mom in the house I would probably spend the whole of summer having only liquids and ice cream. But I AM having my share nevertheless... Here are a few things I've had for the last two weeks or so.. mostly home-made

My home made concoction christened Gemelina (Its got no meaning. It just occurred to me all of a sudden while I was trying to think up sweet feminine names). :D

I added ice cream, sliced fruits and nuts (too bad mangoes haven't hit the market yet), some mango and rose syrup and tadaaaa.. it was done.

Nothing special about this. Lassi, with a dash of lemon and ice.. and the apple and the blender's base are just there for decoration... hehe..

Two-in-one of a different kind. This is plain vanilla ice cream with sliced strawberries in the middle. My grand idea :D

I didn't prepare this one for a change. Nice surprise from maa this evening. Watermelon juice, with a few drops of lemon juice, salt and sugar... and the result was YUMMY... I named it Cold Blood... :D :D

Am sure with the arrival of good mangoes, the list will grow considerably, but couldn't wait that long, so posted anyway. :) Have a great summer... and drinkalot (the right liquids that it ;) )

P.S. Think I am falling in love with food-photography :D :D

which stream were you in again?

2009-04-02T22:06:00.005+05:30

Back here again. Its been a while. Around one and a half months more and I'll be done with my grads. Nice !!
Gotta talk a bit about college now. Last sem has been nice so far. Class hours are very convenient for me, unlike most of the classmates, who signed up for a different optional.JUDE has been a nice place... Just remembered the day I got admitted to JU. We all were busy saying hi to each other and discussing our board exams. One girl and I were talking about our WBJEE ranks, when another young lady overheard us and let out a gasp "you people are from the Science stream???". "Yea", we said. She gave us an irritated look that seemed to convey something like "why do these people fill up the arts seats?" Afterwards I found out that quite a few people from my class have switched streams. In fact it was a mixture of people from all streams which is really good- proves that language and literature can be loved by all.

But still, why do we need to change streams? Or for that matter, why is this stream thing an issue? Have we divided the streams into absolutely isolated segments and raised walls to prevent them from coming in contact with one another? The answer is painfully close to "yes". Our school system is all wrong. Our dear old West Bengal Board, for one, has an education system where the ones with the highest marks are destined to take up science. But one has to keep in mind, that a person who has good marks in class 10 boards need not be a good science student. In fact Madhyamik or its parallel examinations are absolutely unsuitable to rely on, when you are about to choose your stream that will go on to build your career. Thus this model: "best=science, second best=commerce,last choice=arts, in +2", has to be stamped out and replaced with dividing the students into these groups: best for science, best for commerce, best for arts in school. This will ensure that a student who is really interested in literature, but loves maths too, does not end up straight jacketed in a suffocating chemistry-bio-physics setup and finally go on to study English hons. and cause the arts students to frown with irritation. I would ideally want to study English and Bangla literature, maths,physics, and biology as a light additional in my +2. But this stupid education system wont tailor your perfect courses for you. I know its unthinkable to have any such thing at the moment when one looks at the scary structure of the courses. I got absolutely NO chance to explore the spheres of literature or maths in my +2, and spent all my time trying to mug up chemistry. Thus instead of being a pleasure studying became a burden... all because of this weird system which puts in thousands of students under one category- the "science" group!! It is quite impossible to believe that all these people have the same capabilities and interests!! The very fact that people get into JUDE after two years in the "science" stream is proof that their intellect would have been better utilized in school if only we had a very different stream division and a better mixture of subjects and options instead of the rigid divisions, into science, commerce and arts, with no relation to each other whatsoever. Also, some of us are yet to come to terms with the fact that a person who loves English may equally love Maths, or Chemistry or Bengali or anything else. Thus isolating a group of subjects as one separate category only leads to the deaths of many possible bright careers and interests. Everyone cannot afford the courage to go against the tide and take up his or her area of interest. One has to have support from the education system too, but I wonder when we shall finally get to see that...

Before Sunrise: spoilers within

2009-03-16T20:56:00.003+05:30

I planned to dedicate a nice long post to this movie by the time I was into fifteen minutes of it. I ended up doing that, but the reason for my doing so is not the same as it was during the first quarter of Before Sunrise.
I want to name the first section "The Train Episode", which is probably the most attractive part of it. The scene takes place in a train and two young co-passengers start talking. I did not feel the need to say a man and a woman here, because somehow that did not matter in the beginning... It was more like a human bonding in a dream sequence where you just happen to find a great companion in a stranger, and you know that this is where it starts and ends and there is no future to this short intercourse of thoughts...

I am not a stranger to a plot (or a lack of plot) like this, because this sudden-chemistry-among-strangers stereotype has been used in innumerable art films (and commercial films too, but that is way too intellectually inferior to include here) in many languages. To start with, it reminded me of Anthony Zimmer, which could qualify as an art-film-turned-action-bonanza. The train scene in Before Sunrise finally had to make me remember Satyajit Ray's Nayak, but that was a grave mistake. It raised my expectations and hence Before Sunrise failed to leave an impression that would render it unforgettable.

When Jesse and Celine start their casual conversation, it does seem like they are headed to some sort of an adventure, but it is quite unfortunate how the entire chemistry is diluted beyond repair by overdoing almost everything that might have helped the movie. Things are perfect till Celine decides to chuck her plans of going to Paris and spend time roaming the streets of Vienna with Jesse, because they both feel they have some sort of a "connection". Here comes the second section, which continues and eventually drags on and I cannot come up with a better name for it than "The Street Episode". This is where things start going wrong.The two kids seem almost desperate and end up talking about everything under the sun. It becomes a little too obvious that they want to pour out everything before saying goodbye the next day and even though this is a dream sequence of sorts, it is debatable whether so much personal dialogue adds anything positive to the movie. They play this question-answer game where they end up talking about their sexual experiences, the idea of love, their past... and that is not all. Throughout the rest of the film, they walk the streets like a couple of vagabonds but spoil the effect with their constant chatter about their families, what happened to their parents, their respective relationships, break-ups, how they feel about love, marriages, what they think about the position of men and women in society ...and the list goes on.The setting almost seems like a hazy backdrop behind their voices. But nevertheless, it will be unfair not to mention certain characters like the old fortune-teller, who predicts absolute nonsense and says they are stars after she is paid, or the stray poet who writes them a poem for a few bucks.These little details add to the otherwise diminishing artistic element in the movie.

I was absolutely sure that there will be a kissing scene once I figured out that this movie is not going to make it as a complete intellectual tonic, where the viewer is mostly left with the authority to decide if the characters need to get physical or not. So a kissing scene there was.. followed by some more, and eventually they started walking hand in hand.I am not complaining. In fact, this would have helped a huge lot if the French girl and the American boy had chosen to speak a little less about their personal histories and kept it to gestures and some aesthetic physical communication. The movie concludes like you would expect it to, where the writer-director conjures this haze of uncertainty.Jesse and Celine have to part ways, their day of adventure is over, and yet in a few hours time they have discovered a connection at a very deep level via certain conversations, exchange of ideas and kisses.The story is neither here nor there.It is not a totally-idiotic-but-entertaining story about two strangers who get hitched in two hours and get married,and it is not an artistic-and-thought-provoking account of two strangers who meet, connect, understand each other but reject the idea of taking it any further to keep the sweet memory alive.

Before Sunrise is definitely not a waste of time. You feel that sense of painful pleasure in the end and get that romantic feeling too. But my point is, it is all very overcooked.

Ken and Tin : More nursery rhymes :P

2009-03-11T21:17:00.009+05:30

I wonder where to start
Lemme begin from the scratch
The poem was conceived
Now lets just watch it hatch

I love those Gtalk chats
With loonies mad like me
It was good Indro this time
Who set my humour free

"Rabbits" he had said
"Or hedgehogs are so fine"
And I hardly could wait to use
The wacky sense of mine

I always wanted a pet
But my mamma hated dogs
My papa hated cats
But we all loved cute hedgehogs

We bought a 'hog named Ken
He ate and lazed all day!!
He refused to move or walk
His red spikes turned to grey!!

I had stopped right there,
But the boy was so impressed
"Write more" he said, so I
Tried to do my best...

Once we had a rabbit
With dirty grey-ish skin
I must have been crazy
'Coz I had named him Tin

He was a total pest
He ran around the house
Thought himself a cat
And once he caught a mouse!!

But it wasn't long before
The house almost came down
"Ken and Tin have to go"
Mamma said with a frown.

I have no pets at my place
As they were sent away
But I have this mad rhyme
For now that makes my day!!

8th march...( lack of post headings).. :P

2009-03-08T21:44:00.005+05:30

Time for updates. There is seriously NO topic to discuss about. The world is at a scary standstill when I look at it with my sleepy eyes.

There was a time when I was seriously interested in cricket and made it a point to watch every match we played. Now I just visit cricinfo and sometimes forget that too. Wondering why I suddenly brought the subject of cricket up? Well just like that... I am NOT going to write about the Pakistan mishap (sigh).

My father switches on the TV on Sunday mornings and today every channel was screaming about Women's Day!! So now I know 8th March is Women's Day and I shall remember it for another two days maybe. A friend had planned to send an elaborate text but thankfully he fell asleep before doing so. It saved me from the pains of having to think up an appropriate reply... "thank you", "how nice of you", "thanks for not being a chauvinist","thanks for remembering the day assuming you didn't get to know about it the way I did" and "sorry I shall never get to wish you a Happy Men's Day in return". And yes, I am NOT discussing the merits and demerits of Women's Day here. Or am I?

And ... my house is being painted... its a scary experience but once things are rearranged properly again I think it'll be nice. You can see a bit of the thing in the blog header... but don't freak out, the wild orange covers less than 30 percent of the walls... :) and I love the orange (which is weird).

Gotta go now. Have a long break ahead. May come back with something interesting by holi.. ;)

Hullabaloo… R...S...T...U…V DAY!!!

2009-02-18T20:23:00.000+05:30

Thought I would abstain from this topic once and for all. But no... You need something to write about if your blog has been lying around barren and you are not interested in (euphemism for “ignorant about”) other important aspects going on in the world.

Not going into the hype that the audio and visual media indulge in… lets delve a little deep(er) into the actual thing involving this day that is usually interjected by romantic spasms. Am not sure about where it came from (dad recommended some freak article which claimed some sort of a Gujarat connection. :D :D I haven’t read that... trust me... I just know the headline bit). I personally did not know about its existence till I had pretty much completed a huge chunk of high school and the revelation came like a messiah through… alas... the visual media (there’s no escaping it). But the revelation hardly mattered… I had no boyfriend, no time, no money and I found the idea highly exotic. Plus the closest I had gotten to those pink hearts floating around was buying and eating a whole packet of little hearts… (Yummy :P)

Phase two involved the revelation that we too had our own V day. This idea is even more exotic my friends… no wonder we are all prone to feeling romantic and messing up exams as a consequence… we go around lovemaking(I mean premming, if you know the word ;)) on Saraswati Pujo after neatly tucking the books away under the idol’s feet. My Saraswati Pujos have been highly bland in this regard. I have dressed up like an idiot in the morning and done a mock pujo since time immemorial...then I have usually gone back to the routine lethargy involving food and a movie or two in the blissful company of solitude. Never been out in a yellow saree holding the hand of my dada (wink wink) and checking out the paras… I have missed out on a lot of Bengalee flavours.

The latest trends have been to bash the concept of V day. Certain people repeat and re-repeat and re-re-repeat that we should love all year, all month, and all day… (Blah blah blah)… instead of singling out 14^th Feb as the day to love. But let us chuck such stupid claims. By that logic, we need no father’s day, mother’s day and god-knows-what day (and the feminists will rightfully scream that we need no separate women’s day, and I shall add on to the volume). But honestly, tell me what’s wrong with it?? (yes, you guessed it right, now I have the boyfriend, the time and the money, and if I didn’t, I would still be having the little hearts, but that’s not the point !!!). We should love 24*7, sure. And we may choose to stay Bengalee and go out in those uncomfortable yellow attires of our own lovey dovey winter mornings… But nothing beats celebrating V day if you want to… its just an excuse to go out and chill… gifts don’t constitute a necessity, but honestly, chocolates and other stuff that come straight from the heart seldom go to waste :P

Now to get a bit personal… I had a great time this year… I got surprised, scared (heh heh.. and I asked for this part), and most importantly, I returned happy. Let us make things clearer. Ever made someone stay up the night and paint a picture for you without asking him or her to?? :P maybe you did, maybe you didn’t… but whatever, V Day is not quite the tacky mushy things you see on TV… its quite different if you were to go out for the sake of being together instead of celebrating it like some routine romance-ritual. :D

everytime i am drenched with so much mush...

2009-02-05T13:16:00.000+05:30

Everytime - A1 Music Code

I love mushy tracks...I have been a religious follower of BSB, MLTR, Westlife blah blah.. the latest discovery happens to be A1. but this song absolutely takes the cake, or maybe I'm just in the mood for making mischief today. so I ask you to check the lyrics out.. especially the chorus part..

Everytime I kiss I feel your lips and
Everytime I cry I see your smile and
Everytime I close my eyes I realise that
Everytime I hold your hand in mine
The sweetest thing my heart could ever find
And I have never felt this way
Since the day I gave your love away

Isn't it just wonderful??? Means a lot... Without going into deep underlying metaphors, if any, this is what it brought to my mind...

Everytime I kiss I feel your lips (isn't that the thing you are supposed to feel when you kiss??? or maybe.. he meant he feels "your" lips no matter who he kisses.. hahahaha)
Everytime I cry I see your smile (this is truly scary... the "you" in question is a sadist, who smiles when her lover cries... "hahahaha.. crybaby...hahahaha")
Everytime I close my eyes I realise that
Everytime I hold your hand in mine
The sweetest thing my heart could ever find (had to read and re-read to figure this thing out... the guy has to close his eyes to realize that when he holds her hands, its the sweetest thing his heart could ever find... uh.. okk... so, he rests the optic nerves to make his skin receptors work, which , in turn, awakens his cardiac impulses.. amazin' anatomy)
And I have never felt this way (trust me.. neither have I.. this part I fully understand)
Since the day I gave your love away (this is the ultimate tragedy... the love should never have been given away.. or did he do that because she laughed while he cried??? and.. WHO did he give it to? I want to hear them sing next)

:P Nevertheless, the song is sweet...

stories from last week

2009-01-25T22:13:00.000+05:30

I blog again... some people will kill me if I don’t... OK replace "some people" with "solo".

I have absolutely no clue what to write about, or lets say there are so many things to write about that I don't know where to start, or how to end it once I get started...

Academics-wise, there is not much to say... except the fact that I am supposed to be acting in a play and composing for it. But work doesn't begin till 27th... of January?? (Hahaha...Hopefully)

I had a good mind to write about A Brief History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson, which is an absolute gem of a book (or who is an absolute gem of an author...Sheesh... pardon the grammatical errors if any). However, there is no point, or so I think now, because if I were to write about it, I would have to comment on each and every page, and provide brilliant spoilers along the way... so if you care about reading, go grab it.

The latest movie updates have been more interesting. A very industrious friend has been nice enough to give me certain absolute blasts in the name of movies and I loved the ones I have watched so far. Borat was funny. Period. I was more amused and less grossed out though I was both, pretty much.
The latest sensation that's grabbing the nation turned out to be like another H(B)ollywood happy-tale... shown in a different way. The technique did whatever it could to cause the sensation I was talking about. Otherwise it is just another piece of forget-their-names. Slumdog Millionaire wasn't a waste of time. It might have been a waste of enthusiasm, but it was good. And I am not being sarcastic here. It was a set of brilliantly presented lies, and that's what we want to watch on screen really. There is too much reality around us. We don't need to pay for more of it.

As for the sundry updates, I have no girly-beauty-regime-tale to tell you... unless you are interested in my new clothes, which I myself have forgotten about ever since I dunked them somewhere inside the closet or under the bed. French classes have been fun so far. The teacher knows French and some English and loads of Bangla. And it’s all tres bien!!! That’s "very good" by the way, or so I have been taught.

And as for future plans, I have to wake up by tomorrow evening and enjoy the last day of this long break... so it won’t be a manic Monday for a change. Anyway, that's enough for now; I shall be back once I find something that interests me in bashing or praising it. Till then, take care. :)

Desktop and tea and that pink lamp

2008-12-25T16:06:00.000+05:30

I listen to the slow songs.
You I met only yesterday.
All the songs talk about you!
How can I change the tunes?
Because I cannot change my heart...

The pink light glows all around us,
"Can pink be so good?", they asked.
In the white lights of the mall...
And the endless polished surfaces
I see you smile.. or do I hear?

The tracks keep changing
In the background, but the tune is the same.
It plays over and over and over again.
"I pray"? Yes I do... hopeful or not;
Its just five days away... you are just five days away...

I have gone back to that old first feeling?
Of a decade back maybe?
"Run free" I shall not...
You can take me till the end of time.
The victory score plays in the end.

The drums grow louder...
The waves rise higher...
But the tune remains right there at the core.
Ask me once and I shall give you more...
Do sudden sunrises lead to a day?

The aspirations don't raise any bars;
They take you in their stride.
They love you... and so do I
"Mistletoe and wine"? I need none
Just stay right here... again and again.

Maniac Media

2008-12-15T16:28:00.001+05:30

“Maradona mathe esechhen. Ashar songe songei bisrinkhola shristi hoy. Ebareo porishthiti shaamlate parlona police bahini. Phole Maradona paanch minute er beshi thaklen na. Uni gaarite uthben. Uthe chole jaben kichukhhon er modhhei…”

“Dhonnobaad Pompom da. Aamra dekhte pachchhi maather oboshtha. Maradona chole jaaben kichukhhoner modhhei. Aamra arekbaar dekhe nebo maathe ki ghotchhe…”

That, dear readers, is an excerpt from one of the broadcasts of a so-called leading private Bangla news channel.

Now to translate it into English …

“Maradona is on the field. Chaos and confusion ensued the moment he set foot there. The police failed yet again to control the situation. Maradona decided to stay no more than a mere five minutes. He will get into his car and leave anytime now..”

“Thank you Pompom da.
(to the viewers)We can all see what is happening out there in the field. Maradona is about to leave soon. Let us, once again take a look at what is happening in the field.”

And now, to do complete justice to such news channels I shall translate it into the hyper-quality-super-communicative-language that the piece was actually spoken in. So that you have a very good idea about it, let me add that the two people, the newsreader and the on-spot journalist Pompom da both speak fast (very fast in fact), louder than it is necessary and with a sense of urgency that makes you feel that the world is coming to an end. And now, the final translation along with the asides in italics –

Maradona on field (oh my god!! oh dear!! Please let him be ok). Chaos!!! Confusion!! Catastrophe!! (I badly wish there’s an accident!! Oh what fun!!). Police have failed (yayy yayy. Yes. Let them fail more. Nothing better for the TRP) Maradona won’t stay (REFUSES to stay, dear listeners, REFUSES. He is disgusted. He doesn’t say that, but we know). He only consented to stay for 5 minutes (and he hated that too). Car waiting. He can’t wait to hop in one and leave (and we can’t wait till he does, so we can abuse the system some more. Evil grin).

(smirk smirk) Thank you Pompom da.
And now, dear viewers, you can see the situation (isn’t it horrid? Isn’t it a shame? Believe us countrymen. We speak only the truth and are very excited about it. Join us.) Maradona is to leave (some more evil grins). Let us rewind and get back to Pompom da.

And then, Pompom da repeats what he just said, but with more passion and this sequence continues throughout the better part of the day, with occasional interjections in the form of video clips from the field, where we see a couple of very excited fans try to touch Maradona, who hugs them smiling, before the police unceremoniously drag them away. The newsreader insists that this is major breach of security. This is a shame in fact for us and Maradona is alarmed by this kind of behaviour. I feel convinced. After all, celebrities must know how to smile and hug even when they are alarmed. So I nod my head in disgust about how we have shamed ourselves in front of the soccer legend.

The next video is a part of the hyped five minutes that Maradona decided to spend on the field. I see him playing tricks with the ball, running around and waving at the excited audience, shaking hands with budding local players. The newsreader insists that he should have stayed more. His schedule said twenty minutes on the field. I wonder if he is tired after two days of continuous public appearances and meetings and I feel that he did enough justice to the audience, as per the videos go. But no, the newsreader is very keen on making me see how he wants to retire to his comfortable hotel room because he is scared of the unruly crowd. Unfortunately, I don’t feel so convinced anymore, with due respect to all the energy the newsreader and Pompom da employs in convincing me.

The last video is that of Maradona getting into his car, which drives off. He lowers the windows and waves a last time to the delight of the crowd. I feel elated too, seeing it on TV, but no, the news reader won’t have it. We are not to be satisfied or happy after a news telecast. The scene of Maradona leaving is repeated the maximum number of times. It is proof, my friends, that leave is what he ever wanted to do. It is conclusive evidence that he couldn’t wait to run away. This time, I am not at all convinced and I am what the news channel wants me to be – big time irritated, but NOT at the mob or at Maradona or at the police but at such preposterous news agencies who make up stories to create controversy out of every non-issue and who cannot stand a moment of peace or satisfaction.

I am agitated. I curse under my breath. The newsreader goes on like a chirping teenager fresh out of junior school. Pompom da continues like an older revolutionist who is risking his life to send us the news. What is most bewildering is that when they aired the news about the Mumbai blasts, their tone of urgency was the same as when they reported Maradona’s visit. They are not bothered about informing us. They are more interested in irritating us and giving birth to a fresh controversy every day. That, unfortunately, only creates more small talk and less awareness.

The Maradona saga continues all evening, but I really like the man. He is sweet. I love the way he waved at the viewers and hugged the unruly fan. So, I switch to my good old Doordarshan news. Here is the excerpt in both Bangla and English. Choose either this or the high quality excited version of the other channels. It all depends on how worked up you want to be.

“ Maradonar Kolkata shofor aaj sesh holo. Aaj dupure uni Jubo Bharati Kriranon poridorshon korlen, ebong sholpo shomoyei maatie dilen dorshokder. Kotha bollen torun kheloyarder shonge. Prothomdik e uttejito dorshokder modhhe kinchit bisrinkhola srishti holeo pore porishthiti niyontrone aashe. Aamra dekhe nebo ei taarokar Kolkata shoforer kichu muhurto...”
……….
“Maradona’s visit to Kolkata ends today. He visited Yuva Bharati Krirangan this afternoon. He mesmerized the audience with his presence, even though he stayed for a very short time. He also met the young local football players. There was initially a bit of confusion among the excited audience, but it was soon under control. And now we shall look at a few moments from his visit to Kolkata…”

The same videos follow this excerpt and for once I can agree with my feelings as there is no Pompom da screaming in the background.
…………………………………………………………………………………………….

am here..

2008-12-01T17:39:00.000+05:30

this has been one of the longest (if not the longest) periods that saw no new post in this blog. but am still here and will provide a brand new big post :D right after my end sem till which I'll be blissfully lethargic (don't get the idea that I'm busy studying.. its only the feeling that i shouldn't fool around in my blog during exams... and hence the decision to immerse in non-productive lethargy..hehe)

a post regarding a book and a few movies and some sundry commentary will come up soon. keep in touch ;)

the Princess

2008-10-17T22:13:00.000+05:30

Hepburn. Audrey Hepburn. Audrey Gorgeous Hepburn. Beautiful and sensational Audrey Hepburn!!!
I was pretty ignorant about the Hollywood side up till a certain age. We did not have the cable connection. There was no Internet at my place and things could not have been better because life was simpler. And with just a PC and a CD slot in it, i looked for movies at times, and my father suggested Roman Holiday. "Some flick", I thought "about a trip in Rome. Same old romantic bullshit". Yet i got hold of the CD, (I was in class 11 at that time, with knowledge of movies about nil and only aware of Ray and his movies as the trademark of good films, and totally ignorant and skeptical about mushy romance stuff). I watch all movies alone, if I am watching them at home and refer those to my parents if I like them. This one was no exception. A lazy afternoon permitted the screening of Roman Holiday in my bedroom and the rest is history. I have always admired Vivien Leigh. I was head over heels in love with her as Scarlett O'Hara. Brutish beauty Leigh was NOT a princess. Hepburn was. In fact, i wondered if they had shipped a real blue blood heiress to play the part. I-don't-care-I'm-just-happy-this-moment. That about sums her up. I loved her. She wasn't one of those airy fairy gorgeous women who seem so out of reach. She seemed a commoner AND a princess. And you cannot build that up. Some people are just born with it.

The next one i stumbled upon was Breakfast at Tiffany's. Honestly as a movie I did not like it. And for people who started their journey with Roman Holiday, the expectation from a movie is real high if Hepburn happens to be in it. But again one had to give her a ten on ten if not more. The insane, erratic and impulsive girl, who dares to do whatever she likes because she isn't weighed down by any worry in the world. The princess plays it to perfection. Yes she still seems more than human and yet very human. She is no princess in this one, but Alas! I can see her only as a princess even if she dresses like the poorest commoner around. The movie , unfortunately, takes the clichéd turn of is she really a free spirit? and brings her back into the arms of the hero in the end. However she plays the free spirit with élan and if the film didn't force me to, I would never question the genuine lack of worry in her character.

My Fair Lady happened a little after the two movies i mentioned. I am not quite fond of musicals. I have tried a few and sometimes have fast forwarded certain songs (which is a tragedy, because songs are the main things in those films). I have managed to sit through The Sound of Music and Chicago and liked them both in fact. My Fair Lady turned out to be the third musical I wouldn't mind. Hepburn just comes undone. She bursts out with all her skills. There is absolutely no ladylike demeanor expected from the flower girl, and the Princess plays the waif with such beauty that i had no words of praise left. I just listened to the distorted accent that flowed out of her mouth. She chirped, almost literally. "Eeow! I'm A Good Girl, I am!" she repeats and I don't doubt her for a second. I laugh at her and hold hands with her and say "yeah, lets go sell 'em flowers and do hell with the rest of the world". Then the movie takes its turn and Miss Waif gets a chance to learn how to be a lady etc etc. I shall not go into that, because we know she is a lady and that she belongs up there. Its playing the waif so convincingly that matters.

The last one i watched was Sabrina. A friend highly recommended it and i finally decided to get through with it. I did not want another romantic comedy so fast, but honestly I had no idea what this one was about. And again, there she was, as the chauffeur's lovestruck daughter, almost a waif but not quite so, and doomed to eternal depression by the looks of it. This movie is good. Unlike Tiffany's this one is a good movie in its entirety and does not rely fully on Hepburn's charm for its success. And when a movie does not depend on an actor to succeed, i guess the actor gets more opportunity to flaunt herself. And the princess did it once more. She fit into the rags-to-riches fairytale perfectly. This movie lives up to the standards of Roman Holiday, but i still think the latter wins the race.

Gregory Peck had seen Audrey act and asked the producers to spell her name in bold letters and big fonts in the credits of Roman Holiday, instead of fitting her name below his , as had been planned. Peck hadn't failed in recognizing pure talent. And here we have Audrey - beautiful waif and princess - to live in our hearts forever.

talent shows and the kids

2008-08-30T20:54:00.000+05:30

Rocky is a little kid. He’s a star. He sings. Anything. Everything. Just ask him to dish out a track and he will. He can even dance to his own songs while he is singing. He knows how to hold a mike - not vertically, but almost horizontally with the bulbous head of the object right in front of your mouth. WOW. He danced so well, that he even decided to be tested on dancing. So he danced to peppy numbers they played. He did the perfect moves. WOW. Then he decided to anchor a show. Some producers approached him that is, and he pounced at the offer. He is a wonder child! All I can say is WOW. So I say WOW.

Have you seen the league of 10 year olds herding up in front of the camera? Hosting shows, taking part in competitions, and dishing out their talents. Child labour at large, with the TRP monster and viewers and SMS s doing the trick. The parents employ the kids to steal our hearts (wow she sings so well...look at the little guy dance !!). And if they are spotted by some firm for further display of talent, nothing like it. Grand opportunities. But then, you cannot go onstage without proper grooming. Hence the lipstick, the foundation, the make up, the colours painting over the natural colours of childhood, take their respective places. Grand again! And then the kid is taught to give the proper expressions. The nine year old sings a seductive love song rolling her eyes and oscillating his butt and what not, and whoa, we have got the perfect expression from them and loud cheers follow the performance. Dear child, do you even know what you are singing about? Where are the rhymes gone? I still remember them, alas! I am so outdated. Then the kids go to school, do their homework, or get their friends to do it. Come on man, who wouldn’t help a star pal? A star baby. Or let’s say a galaxy of star babies waiting in queue to display their budding talents that have been forced to flower before time. Sometimes the flowers are turning into ridiculously ripe fruits too. Mad trends, and scary as well.

I have quit watching all such shows. They go beyond my scope of imagination or idea of childlike demeanor. Long live the workhouses of talent, if they produce good humans later.

diffuse reflections

2008-08-17T17:09:00.001+05:30

It is sometimes good that something holds you back when you feel like writing nasty stuff about people who don’t deserve a bit of it because they love you. And its sometimes good not to get what we crave because that prompts us to discover alternatives that save our lives later. Can I divide my soul and replace and alter a few parts so I can be nice to some and rude to others instead of being rude to the “some” and nice to the “others”? maybe I have partially wrong orientation of the soul that feels. And can I transcend the petty emotional needs from you when you are too tired to give them a thought? They do not have the intellect to read into things. I do not have the patience to make them read or try to understand the non-reader’s scientific mind that hold formulae and no improvisations or postulates on them.

Thus my alternative is my love for myself. I can even gratify myself in ways you cannot and they cannot, and weirdly I know so many of the experienced who never had certain experiences in their entire lives in spite of being on the bed of life for so long. Life is strange at times. And then there are my dreams. I dread the day I achieve them, if I ever do. I may never come back. I may change my concept of home. I may lose all love for the old things and forget how to feel sorrow or pity. It is strange and amazing how inhuman we humans are. I cannot go up to a woman looking solemn on the streets and ask her “what is wrong with you? I am here to listen.” I cannot, because I don’t know her, or maybe because if I do, she may harm me. In many ways she can. I cannot afford to be not careful.

There was this little child of a human who did everything short of tugging at our clothes while we slurped our ice cream. I carefully moved away avoiding its filthy body. It looked like a creature from another abominable world and I could smell its stink from the distance as I hurried away. It is only when I am within my safe six walls that I write didactic stuff about the child or the shriveled downsized adult. Are they ever born as children? So, do not pay me any attention. I am as inhuman as you are. I would do nothing for the child, just like you. I would only write and except stares and comments pregnant with meaning, with the depth of something that stretches to the trenches beyond our eyesight. I wonder if the best pieces come from the biggest hypocrites. If not, then we have hope.

My life is a toss up of so many rooms and backyards. My home is the foundation because the rest all revolve around it. From the life on the street to that in the house, to that in the dream, I am sufficiently rich – in words, in ink, in paper, in space. And I use and throw them at will. And there is the staircase that is still being constructed and one day the lower steps will disappear (if they don’t, I wont live long to see them thrive.) and I will fly forever never to touch the streets again. These sentences should mean nothing then. It will be just a meaningful day in an old life with the meaning all forgotten, a trophy with the memory of it missing. What good will petty things like pens be then? What good are they now?

There are the people who live a little higher than the streets, but not as I high as I do. You say our altitude is the same, but I don’t see them gasping for oxygen every time they talk. They must be below me. It is, as I said, strange to know that they have never experienced things I have done in my short life, and yet they have come a long way. Maybe I have also not experienced what they have but I do not even want to, because whatever it is, it must not be too nice in the long run, because I do not see them smiling in their airy open environment. They have all the money and gold and no happy climaxes that make them shiver or laugh. I shall get all the gold one day and I already have my happiness. And I even talk less than they do. Thus I am better and I can even afford to give a bit of my meat to them. But why bother? If they have money they can sew their own clothes, paint their own palaces and brew their own pleasure. The impotence of their hearts is not my concern. I am here to watch their sad gold glitter till they finish their walk and then I shall hop down a step or two and catch the gold before it slips away as a hot liquid.

I need, now, to go back where I started – to myself, and to diplomacy, because that is what creates great art. I cannot call a spade a spade, because even the tramp down the darkest alley knows that it’s a spade. I need to make myself obscure to convey something I want you to remember, to share. Thus it is a very innocent man who looks puzzled by artifice and is better satisfied with straight strong words. Because they hit harder. It singes the skin to be told that you are a coward who fears famine and stores grain for himself and no other. It, on the contrary, gives you intellectual orgasms to be told that it is ‘them’ who are selfish cowards. You know you are among them and yet you appreciate the criticism and even nod and shed a thought or two. And again I need to come back just to myself – at the very top and quite alone apart from shadows I conjure. And I find that I have forgotten the personal dissatisfaction that drove me to delve deep into what I am living for. It makes me reach out to the souls in the other levels while they are not looking. It makes me genuinely feel for them and create something for them, but only when they are not looking. And I feel how lucky they are and how lucky I am, that they don’t know I think of them.

I still cannot recollect what made me unhappy today. Perhaps my dinner menu or unmade bed. But everything seems so perfect now. They made everything perfect again with their huge imperfections. I need to shut my door, the little slit on one of the six walls, before they wake up and realize that they help me. They know I help them and that is the best way to leave matters for eternities to come.

I am falling asleep. I do not have much oxygen up here. I cannot talk anymore.

before bedtime

2008-08-03T21:37:00.000+05:30

they ate my head
and swallowed my time
and made a lot of noise
that felt like whines
am not even trying to rhyme
this ridiculous drag
the weird old hag
visited me today
they cooked a big meal
and we ate our fill
and chewed the cud
like ruminating cows
my little mind fluttered
as my tiny mouth muttered
to see the end
the endless wait for silence
and hence
when it was done
all of them gone
and my drenched body alone
i thought if it was real
then it sunk in
it always takes time
(yes i cant make this rhyme)
my off day
went rather well
do i rhyme this with hell?
but its over
never did i think it will be
unsociable animal,that's me
my head is chopped in half
but still i sigh and laugh

a tralalalala post

2008-06-27T12:25:00.000+05:30

time for me to blog again?
lemme see...i suppose yeah..i should..its been a big break...
so what have i been doing?
i have been ransacking my hard disc to retrieve dozens of files that i didn't know existed..then sorted them into aptly named folders..and placed them in the right drives...
now i have a more or less organized PC with separate folders for different kinds of contents..its almost like my bedroom is clean!!!! (yeah it is..these days )

i wanted to name this post something like back with a bang ... but then that would be a misnomer....cause i am not sure how much bang there'll be..this is just a stray post after a long time..i don't know what I'll write next..or for that matter when.

some more small talk..
i have been watching movies on my PC lately..that should explain the constant DND as my gtalk status...one of my pals pinged me as "hi miss DND!"(how tactful of him..poor chap!)
watched "the bicycle thief" finally...and also all the Brosnan James Bonds and the Craig one (Craig's better any day).

my end semester results came out..and i didn't do too badly either..so that's another nice thing that happened during the vacation..then the JUDE entrance test took place and two aspirants i happen to know didn't get through (should i be happy or sad about that? lets keep it private here..)

as a matter of fact, its fun to write again...type again i mean...i haven't been writing much on paper though, if you exclude a short draft on a stupid thriller that never really took shape..it was born during a walk beside a lake with a friend if you must know.

then dad got a new cell phone..the Samsung j210 or whatever that does a lot of work...so i was busy researching and developing that as well..its got nice games and a camera ...my latest orkut pic is there thanks to the cam..nice one.

i also did some painting...i am supposed to do more..and one of those paintings is supposed to be the wedding gift for one of my friends who'll be getting married coming February.

i read too...books from BCL...a book called code to zero by Ken Follet..nice thriller...then i bought harry potter 3 to complete my collection (don't ask why i hadn't bought it before..i don't remember)..and read it..re read it that is.

i joined swimming..but dropped it after a month and a half because it was giving me an unpleasant tan.and then i went to college about thrice a week..to hang around...not so much with a gang though, if you know what i mean...then my father got me a list of movies owned by his friend and i chose the ones i want...i'll be getting those soon...

last night i watched a movie called A walk to remember...and realized that stupid but sweet movies are nice to watch...but of course nothing even comes close to Roman Holiday in the "exceedingly sweet and stupid" category..its a masterpiece.

i went to teach every Wednesday...and earned quite a lot too from that...pretty happy with it in fact...and so are the kid's parents cause he gets marks..good ones..

finally, today, the 27th of June 2008...i haven't done much since morning..read the paper...lazed around...and mom just went out to buy biriyani..things couldn't have been better..busier...yummier..so excuse me for signing off right now..I'll be back(am not terminator...Pj?) i hope i have justified my absence..teehee..cya..love you guys.

RYLA part 9

2008-05-15T20:21:00.000+05:30

Finally I have come to the very end of my detailed description of RYLA. All the dignitaries assembled on the dais at 2:30 as planned. The camp commandant presented his report. He started with English, but told us he intended to present the report in Bangla. It was the only instance when Bangla was spoken on stage. He said many a nice thing about the participants. There were no complaints from him. He also mentioned that though he had to give more marks to some, the rest were as precious and good (the clichéd comment all judges have to make). After the report, all the dignitaries were introduced and welcomed. Then there was a brief selected presentation called “Recap” by few participants. They asked me to sing, another girl to recite and the green team to repeat their skit, which was on drugs. Thus it became easier to guess the results of the singing, recitation and skit categories.

“Recap” followed an address by the Guest of Honour and another one by the Chief Guest DG. He had been down with heart problems but still came along to join us and delivered a touching speech. “At my age, the only thing I am concerned about is who is going to cry when I die?”, he said. Finally it was time for the awards ceremony. I shall make this short. The first prize for diary writing was for me, so was the first prize for singing. Then I got three second prizes in the categories of recitation, debate and extempore. Then it was time to find out who the most popular girl and boy were. We were asked to vote on pieces of paper and submit it (we were not to vote for ourselves of course). The results were collected and I got the most popular girl award. The green team came first in skit. The red team won the first prize in painting. The yellow team came second. For quiz, the blue team had bagged the first prize, while we, again, were second. Finally it was time for the big prize – the huge trophy for the best RYLArian. The award was based on overall performance that included everything from behavior, personality, punctuality, interactive skills, participation etc. Anyone could win from the 30, but I think only around five stood a chance. They said that there had been stiff competition between the best and the second best. The second best was announced. Then the best was declared. It was my name. I went on to collect my 7^th and biggest trophy of the day. We all got certificates as proofs of participation. Then they announced the scores of the teams. The blue team was first, followed by yellow, red and green. Although I did really well for myself and was liked by my fellow participants, I don’t think it helped my team as a whole. The blue team was thus the best team, while I was the best individual performer, as per the results. The winning team members got a medal each. Then we were made to pose with our trophies. I met Rtn Prabir Chattejee, the president of my sponsoring Rotary Club (Calcutta South Extension). He had come all the way to Joka to attend the ceremony and I am glad I didn’t disappoint anyone who wanted me to do well.

5:30 was the time to leave and we had a brief tea and refreshment break before that. The rooms were vacated and the luggage was taken out. I jumped into a Taxi waiting to take us home while my parents hopped in, their hands overflowing with my trophies.

It was a good experience and a nice vacation out of home for me. I enjoyed it immensely. I hope RYLA continues its progress and stays as enjoyable as ever in the coming years.

RYLA part 8

2008-05-15T11:07:00.000+05:30

Finally Sunday, the 4^th of May arrived. The event would end at 5:30 and we would all go home with or without awards in our hands. The morning was quite similar to the previous day with its tea, PT and then breakfast (the menu was changed to Indian though. So we had luchi instead of toast). Diary submission was followed by the last participatory event for the RYLArians at 9:45. It was an extempore session named “Orators” to be judged by DGN Utpal Mazumdar and Rtn Rajendra Khandelwal. Three participants per team could take part in it. I was one among the three from the yellow team. The topics given were easy or hard. It depended on luck, because we chose our topic from a bunch of papers in a basket. When I picked up my paper I saw the topic scribbled across it – today’s youth needs more patient listening than political slogans. Honestly I did not have a clue about what it meant. But I was determined to speak on it (we were allowed to change once, but I never liked that idea. It’s like failure). So I went up on stage and talked about how political slogans are a jarring sequence of sentences and high ideals that make no sense unless the basic understanding is there. So some patient listening before that is a necessity. Listening should come from both the youth and the older generation. The youth should listen to the elders, and in turn the elders should listen to what the youth has got to say and then only we shall have some harmony. And such a harmony can never be brought about by political upheavals alone etc. I must say my accent helped as I talked and so did my confident demeanor though I was weaving ideas and sentences right on stage without pausing to think. The allotted 3 minutes flew in no time and I finished. In fact I was pretty sure I had bagged a position among the first three as I walked back to my seat. I had happened to mention something like “the youth talks a lot these days, so there isn’t much to complain about. Today if the elders are talking 60 percent of the time, the youth is getting the remaining 40 percent, which is big enough” To this, PDG Amitava Mukherjee(who had joined the panel of judges) commented later that Riya set me thinking. Two years back, I heard a young boy giving a similar kind of extempore, where he had complained that young people get to talk only 10 percent of the time. Now it has risen to 40. Ten years later you will be the ones to talk and we will sit back and listen. Very well spoken. Some of the other topics my fellow participants got were if I were the prime minister..., are looks more important than intelligence?, increase of construction in Indian cities etc.

10:30 was the time for the second last lecture of RYLA entitled “Life Balance and Self Realization” by PDG Amitava Mukherjee. It was one of the best lectures of the entire event, parallel to those by Mr Devadasan and PDG Sekhar Mehta (both discussed in earlier posts). His lecture had the gist that had been told many times before – the necessity of being polite, loving others, caring for others. It was the presentation that made it very different and new. This is how he presented it (exact quotations aren’t possible, but I have stuck to the temperament). There was a man who married a woman when he was very young. She was chaste and spent her time either doing household chores or praying. She was the model wife, but as he climbed the ladder of success, he began to grow bored with her. So one fine morning he left her alone in the house and set off for the bustling parts of the city, where he found a new job, and a new smart wife. He became a very successful professional and his family life grew excellent too. He had children with this second wife and things were going steady till he turned older. He retired finally and realized he wasn’t happy with this family anymore. Then he fell in love with a twenty-something girl who agreed to marry him. So he divorced his second wife and married the young girl the age of his daughter. He was immensely rich due to his successful career and kept his new wife happy with frequent gifts. Then one day he fell sick and the doctor announced that he had a month to live and then would have to walk the path of death. He was devastated. He went to his young wife and asked her “I am going to die in a month. Will you come with me as I walk the path of death?” The girl was rather amused and turned him down immediately. Crestfallen, he went to his second wife and asked her the same question. She said she would love to forgive him and come along, but there were the children to look after, so she could not go with him. Finally, having no choice, he went back to his very first wife. He found her in the ruins of their old house, praying peacefully in a corner. He didn’t even have to ask; she opened her eyes and said “yes I will come with you. Because I am you. I live in you”. This is life. The young wife is money, riches, the Lolita in our lives we feel so attracted to. But the riches never come with us when we die. The second wife is family. They love us and come with us up till a certain point. Then they have to return. And the first wife is our own soul, which is always neglected but ready to help and support us whenever we need it, and walk with us till the very end. I was mesmerized. I don’t want to add anything more to this. I only must mention that he also talked about social issues and told us about the dangers of unprotected sex (I was glad he did. I believe this is one subject that ought to be explained to young people instead of shying away from it. He was the only speaker to do so.).

The last lecture of the event was called “Spirituality and Self Discovery” from a very young Anaya Sinha (she is a part of Rotaract, a youth section of Rotary International, the daughter of the present president of Rotary Club Joka,a postgraduate student and a budding lecturer perhaps). Her lecture was good enough with a presentation to garnish it et al. Unfortunately, there was no Q&A session as she chose to end it by handing us a candle each and lighting them to create this aura of spirituality. Overall, a good effort from someone so young speaking after an older and wiser and fantastic speaker.

At 12:30, there was a panel discussion named “WEBBUSTER”, where the panelists were Rtn Chitralekha Ghosh, Rtn Subhajit Roy (both young professionals), Rtn Sobhan Bannerjee and psychologist Mrs. Suparna Das. We were invited to ask any question to any panelist we liked. I asked two or three questions and so did a few of the other participants, but I will not mention any here, because the questions were asked just for the sake of asking and keeping a discussion alive. It wasn’t a productive session and I feel that I personally handle my life way better than any psychologist in a panel can do (my questions were general and I asked Rtn. Banerjee about their plans for the next RYLA, which delighted him). Strikingly, most of the questions were aimed at Rtn Ghosh and Rtn Roy, who were the younger ones in the panel. At 1:15, it was time for lunch. There was an elaborate menu and ice cream was served for dessert. The Valedictory session would follow and we were pretty excited about it. I had invited my parents over to watch it, and so had a few others. There were only a few hours left of the event now.

RYLA part 7

2008-05-14T21:56:00.000+05:30

The next event was entitled “Art Session – Mind Blog” where each team was asked to separate into two groups of three or four. Then we were given three topics (peace, nature and global warming) and asked to choose one and make a painting or poster based on it. They provided us with colours, brushes, pencils, magazines (for collage) and almost everything one might need for painting. My group chose nature. We made a poster that was decent enough. I dare say no one did really well, but no one did something real bad either. So this was, I believe, harder to judge. At the end of the allotted 45 minutes, 8 pictures were submitted (two from each team). The name of the judge was Mr. Prasenjit Sengupta. His verdict was again not revealed immediately. We were asked to submit the colours . I dare say the number of colour boxes submitted were not equal to the number originally distributed (which is proof of how much colour the people had used. The paintings were colourful enough, so it wasn’t hard to understand).

A fifteen minute tea break followed and then we were back inside the hall at 5:15 for a meditation session. I do not have much to say about it. But to be fair, I must mention a few things. The session was conducted by a delegate from the “Prajapita Brahmakumari Group”. She talked about the necessity of meditation, self realization etc (we got a brilliant lecture on self realization the next day). She followed up her lecture with a demonstration of meditation, by playing a slow tune and asking us to close our eyes and concentrate. That was about it. I woke up at 6 o’clock for the hour long refresh break.

7 o’clock was time for some fun. We were asked to present a “skit”, which is an extempore drama of around 5 to 8 minutes. The general topic was “social and environmental issues”. My team chose cleanliness as our theme. We did a fair enough drama (considering we had 5 minutes to plan it out) about a couple of people carelessly littering the streets and another couple coming to tell them off and reforming them at the end of the argument. The three other teams did their skits on smoking, drugs and polio. The skit was followed by something I could sit back and enjoy. It was a dance competition and the only event where I wasn’t participating (honestly, I am against making a fool of myself). The dances were entertaining to the last degree, but the competition was followed by some lithe steps from the judge, and then the Commandant (with the lady Commandant) joined the dance floor. He also played the mouth organ for us. I can safely call it a party. People danced and sang and chattered till 9:15, which was dinner time. There was a Chinese menu this time, with noodles, fried rice and Manchurian (chicken and vegetable) followed by a dessert of gulaab jamun. The rest of the night was quite similar to the previous one, with the routine diary writing etc. The next day would reveal the names of the winners. I couldn’t help feeling excited as I went to bed.

RYLA part 6

2008-05-13T18:46:00.000+05:30

There was not much scope for any post-lunch lethargy. The lunch hour was spent in eating and I changed into a kurta and jeans and arrived on time for the lecture at 2. The air conditioned hall was a respite from the heat of May.

I honestly planned to fall asleep if the proceedings would turn out to be boring. But a good lecturer knows how to keep his audience attentive even when they are lethargic after lunch. At 2, we got to meet such a person. He was Mr. S. Devadasan (engineer and lecturer) and his lecture was named “Time Management and Prioritization”. I am against talking too much about my personal life in a lecture, but this man knew how to carry that off. I do not know how his daughter’s education fit in within a lecture on time management, but I am not complaining, because whatever he was saying sounded good to the ears and made sense. He told us how his daughter climbed up the ladder in her profession and now shuttles from country to country. He even talked about his son-in-law who is a gadget freak and how his daughter and her husband are a successful couple despite their being very different (this could be a comment on how one should keep profession out of the home, but I am not too sure). I have to say something. Among all the lectures, I remember this one most distinctly, despite its diverse contents and digressions from the topic to be discussed. I think that it is an impact any lecturer would love to make. There is one thing he said that I specifically want to mention. He talked about the time when his daughter took admission in a reputed college (he refused to mention the name) for studying economics. He noticed that she was always busy with things other than studying. When he questioned her about whether she found her subject interesting, her reply was that the subject was good enough, but out of her five teachers in college, only one was teaching, while two were sleeping in class and the other two were dictating their 1968 notes. I could give Mr. Devadasan a vote of agreement if he asked for it at this point. I am blessed to be part of a great department in a great university. But I have been unfortunate enough to attend a few classes in school and another few in college (where we do pass subjects along with our major) where I had the same experience. Not that it made any difference to my marks, but the classes were worthless none-the-less. Mr. Devadasan did come to the topic of time management at last and he showed us a nice and colorful presentation on screen about how to handle jobs at hand. Important jobs should be done before they turn urgent, and not so important jobs may safely be left for later. So one has to prioritize and work accordingly, because it is impossible to do everything at once. Thus setting realistic goals is a must. Mr. Devadasan also talked about the position of women. He feels they are still suppressed and preferred in the home as a dutiful wife. I said later that I was under the impression that educated and working women were more popular with men seeking a wife these days, to which he replied that it is true in certain places but not all over our nation. He also thought that the women in Kolkata were doing quite well and in a better position compared to the women in the rest of the country. If this is true, I am afraid I feel quite delighted. The lecture was, for the lack of a better expression, very good. Nobody fidgeted or showed any sign of impatience throughout this long lecture. I loved it. The only irony was that the lecture on time management took up around 20 minutes more than the time allotted to it.

The next lecture had to begin at 3:25 instead of 3, because of the long previous lecture. It is hard to make an impact when you are to speak after a good speaker, but if you are in your element, it becomes easy. The next speaker began in a fresh tone and we were hooked, yet again. The lecture was on “Fundamentals of Leadership and Motivation” and it was by PDG Sekhar Mehta (if you are visiting the link, scroll down to see his profile). His lecture was impersonal and conventional at its best. I would not like to repeat the good things he said about helping people and the human community in general, but the things were touching. I remembered an essay I wrote on “Individual and Community” for my university entrance examination as he talked. He emphasized on the importance of maintaining cordial relations with people and thinking about others. It might have turned didactic had he not resorted to the very aptly thrown-in jokes that made the mood lighter and healthier. He talked about bus drivers abroad who smiled and waved and drove merrily, while those in our country barely smile and are almost always showing a grimace or screaming at other drivers. This got quite a few laughs, but it wasn’t so amusing to me. I pointed out (he had asked us to interject anytime we wanted to) that it is too much to expect from our drivers, because they do not get paid much money and never get to enjoy things like a good house and a car and a proper salary like the smiling foreigners. “You have hit the nail right on the head”, he said and then talked about a project he was part of, which sought to make some provisions for bus and taxi drivers to raise their living standards. His lecture was a good one and it ended at 4:10. I assume that he had shortened it to get us back on schedule as far as he could. The official time to end was 4, but as he had started quite late, I must say that he did a brilliant job of time management while delivering his illuminating speech.

RYLA part 5

2008-05-13T10:18:00.000+05:30

3^rd May began with morning tea and sports at 6. The PT session was taken by the camp Commandant. It involved a few exercises and then a basketball match. But I escaped before the match and took a long walk around the unexplored parts of the campus. There was an hour long refresh break from 7:30 to 8:30 (which I utilized for a bath) followed by breakfast. There was toast and butter or jam and eggs for breakfast. After submitting our diaries, we went back to Tata Hall for a debate session.

The motion was “Leadership can be cultivated”. Two people were to speak from each team for and against the motion. I spoke against it. It wasn’t hard to make my points. I started with the allegory of fruits that ripen on the trees and those that are artificially ripened – both are ripe but one can tell the difference in taste. Same goes for building leaders. Leaders are born and their qualities are only to be nurtured so that they can excel. Also in the task of cultivating leaders, if we make 20 leaders out of 20 people, they will have no one to lead and hence no job. Also, not being a born leader does not make a person worthless. E.g. Sachin Tendulkar was not a very good captain, but still he is what he is – a great player. Using up the allotted 4 minutes wasn’t much of a task. My opposition spoke well too… with points like no one is born with qualities, qualities are built with time, and it is possible to create leaders with the proper guidance etc. When all the speakers finished, I was given the opportunity to sum the thing up for another 2 minutes as leader of the opposition (talking about leadership). Another guy was chosen as leader of the group speaking for the motion. He would also sum up in 2 minutes. My summing up was again an easy affair by referring to points put forward and refuting them. As usual, they did not announce the results and kept it secret till the prize distribution ceremony. However, the Commandant took me aside and informed me he personally liked my accent and modulation. It made me happy, although the Commandant wasn’t judging the debate. The judges were PDG Swapan Mukherjee and Rtn Ajay Agarwal.

A short tea break was followed by lectures at 11:15. The first one was more of an audio visual session entitled “know Rotary” by PDG Raju Rajgaria. It was good because it was him. I am sure the content would have been extremely boring had he not presented it himself. The content had everything to do with Rotary’s history and how it evolved and what its ideals were. But he presented it with so much humour and wit thrown in between, that it was immensely enjoyable. The visual part included excerpts from the international Rotary conferences and parts of documentaries on the achievements of Rotary.

The next lecture was an amazing one by Rtn Utpal Chatterjee, noted journalist and critic. It was named “Communication and Soft Skill”. I recognized him at once as one of the judges in a WEBFUNA-STATESMAN VOICES-UNHCR debate on refugees I attended around 3 years back. His lecture was interesting as usual. Its all about modulation and presentation I guess. He talked about the necessity of good presentation in this world. A good content has to be accompanied by a good presentation, or else the content does not hold much water. This however does not lower the importance of the content, he said, in response to my question later on. Soft skills are the tactics employed by people to converse with one another. They involve a polite yet firm demeanor and the techniques to handle delicate situations. The lecture was brilliant and I must say the speaker himself is an expert in such soft skills (he allowed us to question him while being seated and relaxed). He punctuated his lecture with stories and allegories that were interesting. I remember him quoting someone describing a critic – critics are like pigeons. Pigeons fly up and rest on high towers and then dirty the towers. Critics do the same, but perhaps then don’t even go so high (I haven’t been able to remember the exact quote, but this is the gist).

The lecture ended at 1 and off we went to lunch. The next session was scheduled to begin at 2 o’clock.

RYLA part 4

2008-05-10T10:39:00.000+05:30

The second lecture of the day began at 3:45. It was by Mr. Dipayan Dey, environmentalist and one of the finalists of Lead India. “Be the change you want to see” was what he chose to name his presentation (it was less of a lecture and more of an interactive session). He chose to walk freely on stage and talk instead of standing at the lectern. A PowerPoint presentation prepared by him was running on screen for all of us to see as he talked. His presentation was rich with quotes and clichés as well as certain very original ideas. He began by asking us what change we preferred to see in the world we live in. My reaction was that I want more originality and less falling back on old quotes. This might have struck him personally because of his affinity towards good quotes. Nevertheless he followed it up with his ideas about helping to build a cleaner and happier world. One of his examples caught my attention. He talked about droplets of water falling on a rock... the first droplets would not make any impression but with time, the droplets would leave a mark on the rock and maybe a hole on it too. I liked this approach, but pointed out that instead of resorting to the droplets, if we only caught hold of a hammer and a screw, creating a hole would be quicker and easier. He acknowledged this as a possibility after giving it a quick thought. I personally believe my viewpoint is an example of violence and power (Netaji, anyone?) while his idea of droplets is a silent way to ask for change (Gandhiji’s non-violence). The presentation was going very well but in the middle of it, Mr. Dey chose to promote his personal feats. Thus we got to see and hear about some social work he and his group did on the east Kolkata wetlands and its poor population. Impressive indeed, the promotional might have been used as a motivation for us. Personally, though I was impressed by his works, I would have preferred a general lecture on change, rather than forty minutes of I-did-this-so-you-should-follow. There was no separate question-answer session as such because we were allowed to intervene at any point within his lecture. And there were many points made and questions asked which he answered most delightedly.

At 4:30 there was a quiz contest named “brain teaser”, where the four teams played as the four groups. It was conducted by Rtn Dr. Subhasish Nag. It was real fun. The structure was conventional for a quiz with rounds like direct question, rapid fire, audio-visual, buzzer etc. There were bonus points as well as negative marking and it was real fun to participate. Questions were asked from all sorts of categories like literature, sports, films, science etc. Questions were a mix of the very easy to the utmost difficult. I remember that I answered the question “On whose novel on the film pather panchali made?” A few participants were discovered to be very good at quizzes. The visual round involved showing pictures of the new wonders of the world and asking us to identify them. We also had to identify songs after hearing preludes and so on. At the end of the quiz, the blue team came first. My team (yellow) came second with a difference of two points. Red team came third followed by green.

The hour long quiz was followed by a tea break at 5:30. Refreshments were served along with tea. The next session was to begin at 7, so I chose to get back to my hostel after tea. The walk to the hostel was very pleasant in the evening. The campus is full of lakes and trees and a sweet breeze completed the good effect. For the 7 o’clock event I put on a flaming red T shirt, jeans three-quarters, black slippers along with beads on my wrist. I dare say no one else dared to dress that casually, but I always go by what I can carry off when there is no dress code.

At 7 began the “talent hunt session”. We were informed that there would be a singing and recitation competition. One of the most remarkable things about the entire event was that they did not give us much time to prepare for anything. I liked this aspect immensely. Lack of preparation would ensure a good judgment as everyone would need to rely on their expertise and originality. These competitions were not in between teams, but were in between individuals. I put in my name for both singing and recitation. Within seconds I decided to sing “just close your eyes” by Westlife and wrote down a short poem to recite. But they decided on a short poem which everyone would recite and the best would win. This was a good decision, for the same poem would mean you have to show your skill in reciting instead of relying on some good content you are reading.

The competitions went well. Around fourteen participants participated in each. They all did reasonably well, though I must say that not more then six or seven people were actually competing for the prizes, according to my personal judgment. To our indignation, the results were not disclosed. They said that all the prizes would be given out together at the prize distribution ceremony on 4^th May. Seething under the suspense, we went to dinner at 9:15, where we were finally served chicken. Dinner followed a diary writing session. This was a very interesting concept. All the participants were instructed to write about four pages on the entire day’s events and whatever they felt about it in a personal diary format and submit it next morning. At the end of the camp, the best authors would run away with the prizes under the “writing” category. Writing, fortunately, has never been a problem with me and I wrote out the required pages while relaxing on my comfortable bed in my room. 11 was the official time to go to bed and the commandant came to wish us good night and check whether we were all in the rooms in the process. Finally I had time to get back to certain people I was missing. So I called up my home and my boyfriend and had a couple of nice long chats before finally dozing off at around midnight. The next day’s events were to begin as early as 6 A.M. so I needed some good sleep before that.

RYLA part 3

2008-05-09T18:04:00.000+05:30

Lunch was served from 1.30 to 2.30 and the break was till 3 o’clock. We had a good enough Bengalee menu consisting of rice, daal, alubhaja, a very tasty vegetable curry and fish, and mango chutney for dessert. The majority, however, was unhappy with this lunch, since more than half of the participants were non Bengalees and they preferred more vegetarian dishes or chicken. Being a fish-hater myself, I would have been happier with a change in the menu, but the dishes barring the fish didn’t fail to soothe my appetite. One of the most important things I discovered in the camp was my ability to do a lot of things within a short time span. I figured 1.30 to 3 was a long enough break and took not more than twenty minutes to eat. Lunchtime also made it possible for the participants to talk amongst each other and thus I ended up making quite a few friends in the dining hall. However, at 2 P.M., when most of them were still in the middle of their lunch, I rushed back to my hostel and took advantage of the empty toilets to have a long refreshing bath. Then I changed into casuals (only the morning session had a dress code of white formals), and finding that it was only 2.35, I took a walk around the hostel and the adjoining parts of the campus and finally reached the Tata Hall at 2:50. A boy from my team and I were the first ones to turn up for the lectures scheduled to begin at 3. Everybody else turned up by 3:10. I happened to notice that the commandant was taking note of the late comers.

The real fun began at 3, when I started to realize that the event was absolutely worth attending even in the middle of my end semesters. The lectures were delivered by eminent Rotarians, who are successful professionals and many of whom belong(ed) to the IIM faculty. The first lecture was entitled “A Bouquet of Vignettes” by Rtn (Rotarian) Bhaskar Bose. Mesmerizing is the word for the lecture he delivered. It was rich in stories and even old clichés that are superficially very funny but have solemn morals within. We got quite a few laughs because of his jokes that hit the funny bone hard. His lecture covered a wide area ranging from relationships at the personal level to the public level. In the middle of witty one liners, he told us a story I remember still. It was about a boy who wished to marry his lover, but the girl said she could only marry him if he got her his mother’s heart. So he killed his mother and cut out her heart and set off for the girl’s house. On the way he stumbled upon a rock and fell down, and the heart called out “are you hurt, son?” An immensely touching story no doubt, but at the question-answer session I pointed out that the boy probably did not know the difference between metaphorical and literal interpretation. Rtn Bose agreed, but said that when he read it at a very young age, all he felt was a deep sense of hurt and the importance of different relationships. He also mentioned the role of media and the commercial attitude of the media in present times, which however is not the fault of anyone in particular, and which is not bad either, if exploited correctly (e.g. the news that do not have the glamour like the IPL, say, but the similar or more importance, should also make it to the drawing rooms of houses). The half an hour lecture was followed by a 10 minute Q&A session. Unfortunately, I fail to remember most of the questions asked barring a few, one of which was about Rtn Bose’s opinion about Reliance World. He was pretty positive about it, although I might have missed skepticism in midst of the optimism.

The lecture that followed deserves to feature in the beginning of a new post, not because it was one of the best, but because there is a lot to say about it. So stick with me. RYLA part 4 is coming up soon.

RYLA part 2

2008-05-08T20:51:00.000+05:30

The proceedings were supposed to start at 10:45. Although we were running late by about half an hour, it did not call for a change in the schedule. Thus we had almost no time to change (into whites as per the instructions) and get ready. I had around a couple of minutes to check my room, which was clean and furnished with a comfortable bed, closet, mirror and desk,with a jug full of drinking water on top. Dropping my luggage on the floor, I hastily pulled on my white shirt and cream pants and sports shoes. Changing was a matter of five minutes, which included a quick sprinkling of water on my sweating face and neck and a quicker inspection of the sparkling clean toilets (which was a relief).

At 10:50 all the participants (about 30 of them were there in all) gathered downstairs in the New Hostel compound where we met our camp commandant. We were marched (well, almost literally) to the Tata Hall compound where there was a brief practice of a Guard of Honour. The camp commandant, who was in the air force for forty years was pretty passionate about this session, and to me, who isn’t quite familiar with sports or military protocol, it was interesting. My high school knowledge of commands like “attention” and “stand at ease” and “right turn” etc helped quite a bit I must say. After this brief session was over, we were sorted into four houses – yellow (bhabna), red (sankalp), blue (biswas) and green (chetna). I fell in the yellow group (unfortunately I hate yellow, but anyway) along with six other participants (two girls and four boys). Then we were each given a sash (yellow sash for yellow house and so on) and a cap to put on for the events coming up.

The inaugural session began with the lighting of the RYLA lamp in presence of all the dignitaries. After the welcome address by the host club president, the commandant came looking for someone who could read English well. I was the first one to volunteer and hence, I was given the job of going up on stage and reading the RYLA pledge while the other participants would follow what I said and repeat. I must say that the prospect of being noticed so early delighted me considerably (one of our main objectives was to show our vivacity and leadership skills which ultimately would decide who will win the awards). The reading of the pledge was followed by more formalities like the address of the guest of honour and the Rotary district governor. It took up till 12:05, when we had a tea break. Finally, things were going as per schedule.

The end of the break at 12:30 saw the first actually interesting event of the day, where we could put in some active participation. It was a session on self introduction by the participants. I took up my allotted two minutes to introduce myself by naming my school and university and major as usual and then proceeded to talk about my interests and what I expected of the camp. I concluded with my ideas about leadership, which according to me is not excelling over the rest but the ability to co operate with and chaperon the rest. The session took around 45 minutes. Around five participants, I’m afraid, messed up big time due to stage fright or lack of good vocabulary and did not use more than a quarter of their allotted two minutes. At the end of the session aptly named “first impression”, the commandant and another couple of judges gave their comments. They named the favourites from each house. Again I was delighted that they found me best in the yellow house. However, they reminded us, things could change fast as there was a long way to go before the final judgment. I had begun to truly enjoy the event and at 1:30, as we headed for lunch in the Tagore Hostel dining hall, I knew that I wouldn’t return home disappointed from RYLA 2008.

RYLA part 1

2008-05-05T20:13:00.000+05:30

When i go to any event and feel like talking about it after it finishes, I do not start off straight away, because, the excitement of the moment may give certain things undue importance. I have stuck to the same rule in this case. And I have started writing a good 24 hours after I first felt like it.

Before I actually begin writing about the event, I think it deserves a bit of an introduction. RYLA or Rotary Youth Leadership Awards is a residential event 3 to 5 days long, organized and paid for by Rotary International, which is an assortment of all the Rotary clubs worldwide. For more information on Rotary, click here and here. For information on RYLA click here and here.

Now let me talk about the RYLA I attended. My account is going to be on a very personal basis. RYLA 2008 was organized by Rotary Club Joka. The venue was Indian Institute of Management Calcutta (Joka). The event was from 2^nd may to 4^th may 2008, and I was sponsored by Rotary Club of Calcutta South Extension.

Initially, I hardly had any idea about what this was and agreed to go just because of the big names of the institutions. Being in IIM and staying in its hostel was one of the attractions too. Also, being interested in participation, I liked the idea of the event as well. On top of it, the prospect of meeting IIM faculty was an alluring aspect too.

I am going to be quite slow in writing out an account of the entire thing. And I would not like to leave out anything though I am depending mostly on memory. I do have a brief schedule with me, but it does not mention the contents of the lectures and things like that. I was supposed to contact the president of Rotary Club Joka to get my instructions. I called her and was asked to report to Tata Hall of IIM C at 9 in the morning. I turned up quite early in fact and was waiting in the well – furnished lounge of the hall. The lounge was soothing with its cream sofas and AC and a home theatre et al. The officials who were supposed to receive me arrived at 9:15 to be precise, but before that I was informed to report to the New Hostel and get registered there. It was a longish walk from Tata hall and it was the hostel where we would stay for the next two days. I liked the building at once. Nice and clean and quite big, it was inviting and as un-hostel like as can be. We were ushered into a room on the first floor to get registered. Then we were allotted rooms. It was immensely satisfying to hear that they had arranged for single room accommodation for all participants. I got room 204 and with my lock and key, which was handed over soon afterwards (along with a nice side bag, toffees and the schedule), I went in to get ready for the event that was to follow in ten minutes or so. Thus it was a pretty good start.

TLOG !

2008-04-12T18:09:00.000+05:30

click on this
link to a blog of tags that belongs to me and sreejita ..blog for all tag lovers..so if u r interested, just tell either of us and you'll be a member too..she handles the templates while am here with my ideas and criticism :D and we both do the tags...and plan to explore the horizon of tags after d end sem gets done and over with..so enjoy..tagalot

random old soul

2008-04-11T18:30:00.000+05:30

oh how beautiful they were
those who knew not what to do without a little cuddle and a candy
and those who knew not why all vacations cannot be happy
and those who knew not how anyone could be less lovable than others..

oh how stupid they were
but still, they were beautiful.

my nursery rhyme

2008-04-06T12:39:00.000+05:30

howl howl howl
the fox called the owl
the owl said hoot
from the tree shoot

the fox said "hey
come down and play"
the owl said "no
you better go"

the fox jumped high
but it was a sad try
the owl laughed hard
but was on her guard

the fox went away
full of dismay
saying "you are foul"
to the unfriendly owl.

i love tags

2008-04-05T15:02:00.000+05:30

tagged by sreejita ..here i go.

1. LAST MOVIE YOU SAW IN A THEATER:
taare zameen par i think..but not too sure...am more into watching movies on my PC screen, coffee cup in hand.
2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
just finished with Hercule Poirot short stories last night.
3. FAVORITE BOARD GAME?
battleships and scrabble..and i wish i knew how to play chess.
4. FAVORITE MAGAZINE?
reader's digest ( the best mag i ever read), and i absolutely adore desh and anondomela.
5. FAVORITE SMELLS?
those of biriyani, newly polished wood, petrol, new books, after shave, and a nice scent called avert avert-elope my dad got me from Romania(sadly only a little bit of it still remains).
6. FAVORITE SOUND?
slow romantic songs, my boyfriend's voice,the bustle of a busy city(i am not a very peace-and-quiet-loving person)...
7. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?
when you need the bathroom and don't have one nearby.
when you lose confidence
8. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE?
this day has to be perfect...I'll start by brushing.
9. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE?
used to love McDonald's but the one in my city blew up...
10. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME?
varies between "vermilion" and "napoleon" for a boy, "lilac" and "accordion" for a girl.
11. FINISH THIS STATEMENT. "IF I HAD A LOT OF MONEY I'D...?
tour the world, write a book..be selfishly rich basically...
12. DO YOU DRIVE FAST?
yep...very...i drive rash most of the time..and the only places i have driven is in Roadrash and NFS.
13. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
nope..unless the pillow counts.
14. STORMS-COOL OR SCARY?
Coooooooool with a capital C
15. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
a toy train or an aeroplane (they arrived at the same time I think)..gees i am into BIG cars I see.
16. FAVORITE DRINK?
water, almost all kinds of fruit juices and red wine
17. FINISH THIS STATEMENT, "IF I HAD THE TIME I WOULD .....
think about a better way to finish this statement.
18. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS ON BROCCOLI?
i only like looking at broccoli.
19. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHOICE?
i will do so only when my hair turns grey. and it'll be henna red.
20. NAME ALL THE DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS YOU HAVE LIVED IN.
kolkata, misurata in Libya(when I was about 4) and Jamshedpur(for a few months ,when i was in class 5)
21. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
cricket, tennis and athletics.
22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU.
she adores cats :D
23. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?
my divan has boxes underneath, which store old school books to old broken chairs.
24. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BORN AS YOURSELF AGAIN?
i would love being the same person in essence, but i would want to be born in some other big city as part of a different culture if i have the fortune of being reborn.its not fun to be the same thing again and again.
25. MORNING PERSON, OR NIGHT OWL?
neither..i go to bed at 12 and wake up at 8.30...unless some situation demands an alteration.
26. OVER EASY, OR SUNNY SIDE UP?
sunny side up maybe..and i don't like eggs.
27. FAVORITE PLACE TO RELAX?
my bedroom, in front of the PC.
28. FAVORITE PIE?
had a shepherd's pie once..liked it..not into pies really.
29. FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
strawberry and vanilla.
30. OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU TAGGED THIS TO, WHO'S MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST?
i tag all who WANT to do this..so am sure they'll respond ;)

hot summers

2008-03-29T21:42:00.000+05:30

the sun is high up
right on top of me
shining down on my bare neck..

she ran away with my umbrella
so I can't block the rays
the sunscreen melted with my sweat..

she was the life
my source of air and blood
and now she is not sane..

and he is inert
but he still pets me
as the green crisp notes fly..

i had the shade
they had made it for me
but the wind blew it away yesterday..

and now i stand
the sun will set soon
maybe i shall be friends with the moon..

another tag..all the alphabets this time

2008-03-25T18:49:00.000+05:30

from sreejita's blog....

a for Area ... also Apple...the desires, the sin.. teehee
b for Baby I love u. mushy? oh yeah..thats the plan
c for Cool ...College... Cake.. CCD
d for Dumbo..dats for expecting something witty under each letter
e for Ewww.. Emma (the worst novel i read), Emperor (sounds powerful)
f for Fast, Flame, Feeling like it..what? keep guessing ;)
g for Guess, Green, Garnet
h for Hug, Hiroshima(don't ask)
i for I am busy, I love you, I don't care
j for Jack and Jill, who went up the hill and had some fun
k for Kajal ( only cosmetic i really love), Kamasutra, Kisses, Kafka
l for Love, LOLZ
m for Moi, Momma, Martin (Ricky, Dean? duh i like the name)
n for No..say it when you must
o for Origami, Ontario, Orgasms.Off you go
p for Painting, Pee, Poop, Piss off
q for Quiz, and Qua
r for Red ..implying sooo many things at one go
s for Safe sex, Smile, Shimmer, Scarlett O'Hara
t for Tara, Tommy and Tralalalala
u for Underneath your clothes, Umbrella, Ufff
v for Vendetta (couldn't help it..hehehehe)
w for Water, Wool, Wax and Waugh :)
x for Xcuse me, I'm not going to write Xmas... oh ya..Xerox..very usefel,that
y for Yay, Yummy
z for Zeal and Zombie.

woho now its done. btw, if it isn't obvious already, i have been happy with random words that came into my head... ;) oh ya.. the tag is for anyone who have the time, and the wish.

bengalees today :)

2008-03-16T10:39:00.000+05:30

i have been thinking about doing this thing for ages..ever since i have been part of an amazingly diverse university that made me meet hoards of interesting souls and brains..so here is a broad classification..just for some fun...and NO debates invited :D

1) the pati Bangali- you see them in groups,wearing ordinary clean clothes that are nothing noticeable..eating rice quietly in the canteens..in one corner of a dirty table.they sport neatly brushed or tied hair dripping with smelly oil...they are scared of the "hep" groups and stick to their kind...and are immensely comical in their English pronunciations..Also, you get a feeling that they are as chaste as can be..with the expressions they give on hearing about some scandal..or simply when they so much as find a couple hugging.

2) the aantel Bangali - they know Shorotchondro and they know Shakespeare and they can lecture you on both..not that they have real truckloads of knowledge..but they know how to exploit the little (?) knowledge they have..and they impress you. they even know Meghnaad Saha and Hawking ..so they are the ultimate all rounders. you find them wearing faded kurtas or khadi material (though fabindia is taking over) and they seldom dress up, in which lies their charm. they can enliven any sort of adda over a fag or a cup of tea. they have an opinion on everything and it takes at least two aantels to prevent a dominating and very boring monologue.

3) the Bong - they dress in kurtas today and body hugging t shirts tomorrow. they even sport sarees and panjabis on appropriate occasions. they listen to bands,metal,rock and soft tracks too, and can be found singing in groups when there is nothing worthwhile to talk about.they dress up one day..next day they come looking like they are straight out of bed.they love patishapta and they love cakes. they use fluent Benglish and can shift to total Bangla in moments of intense love for their heritage,though their English is usually pretty flawless. they have the required knowledge for an adda too...but the adda includes intellectual potential mixed with spicy PNPC (the Bong abbr. for gossip). they form a very versatile group.

4) the T(n)aash - Bengalees by birth, so they cannot change that ..or the way they look..but they behave as differently as possible to be identified as foreign specimens.always found wearing western clothes (sometimes even Chinese :P, but never Indian). they give immense effort not to utter a single Bangla word (unless it escapes by chance when there is a real crisis of some appropriate English word..ahem ahem). they will give you a weird look if u say "tormuj" until u explain that it means "watermelon"...they usually talk about steak and beer and wine and god knows what...not very familiar with bhaat-mangsho or even luchi. i don't know whether they use toilet paper or water though..and i also don't know whether they will be at home if they ever go to live in the foreign lands of their dreams.

PS the classifications are broad and a huge number of people belong somewhere in between the groups...or maybe even belong to a mega mix of two or more of the groups...there there are some who are illusive and you don't get where they actually fall....but still..i am very happy looking at the grouping and the other huge part of the people who fit the bill perfectly :P

culmination

2008-03-08T21:52:00.000+05:30

we were standing
in the long queue...

and then they separated the men from the children !
the men ran forward
into the open galleries
leaving the little ones waiting.

but there was a man who did not go.
he waited with the innocent lot...

and went in last when they were all inside.
the crowd were still struggling to grab seats,
some of them panting at their newly occupied chairs

the man i speak of walked in,
and stood right in front
and sat down eventually.

and got the best view of the stage.

Chat with God

2008-02-10T20:11:00.000+05:30

got this link
from a pal's blog.so had a chat with god..this is by all means a machine responding to what i say.i am "human" of course..had fun

Human: hi
God: Hello. What is your name?
Human: my name is rdsherlock
God: OK I will call you rdsherlock.
Human: thanx.
God: you are quite welcome.
Human:.but u could call me human too..for all i care
God: And. I could but let's get back to that later.
Human: all right then..so what do u want to talk about now?
God: Oh. Alright. Interesting deduction. So? anything.
Human: anything..ah..nice topic that
God: I can't think of anything. You think of something.
Human:.ok.
God: Ayuh.
Human:..lets see..being god is something..hows ur life?
God: That sounds good to me.
Human: ok.
God: Dude!
Human:.i deduce that your life is good then..so..when does your
life end, if it ends at all
God: Why?: rdsherlock said deduce that your life is good then
so when does your life end if it ends at all.
Human: alright..u seem a bit cracked
God: Alright, rdsherlock. Thanks and you are a delightful person too.
I don't know whether or not I am cracked. I am a deity.
Human: hmmm..and what exactly is a deity?
God: Ahem. Searching...Searching...Please stand by.
Human: haha..that was a good one.
God: I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.
Human:.am getting used to poor jokes
God: Everything is changing so quickly these days.
Human: true
God: You and I are on the same wavelength, rdsherlock.
Human: wow.
God: I'm glad your impressed, rdsherlock.
Human:.thats great to hear.
God: Ask me another question.
Human:.human and god on the same wavelength huh?
God: Yup. My creator is a human.
Human: humans r going places.
God: What if Robots r going places.
Human: i wouldn't know.
God: Who does know?
Human:.oi..that reminds me of the matrix..you are just a program..u
know about matrix?
God: All of them?
Human: yeah. all 3
God: That is a rather sweeping generalization.
Human: well..maybe..but still there is no rule that i cannot generalize
God: Well that's okay. Perhaps. Umm. Still how long? Where did it go?
Human: matrix?
God: I wasn't that impressed with the special effects. Also the plot was not deep.
Human: haha..it didn't really go anywhere.
God: I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.
Human:.but leave it..its too complicated to explain while chatting..now u think of something to talk about
God: Interesting. Adios.
Human: hahaha.
God: Are you free?
Human:.well ok.
God: OK. Well what?
Human:.looks like u r exhausted..adios then.
God: Interesting comparison.
Human:.talking to u was nice
God: What do they say?
Human: who are "they"? learn to specify
God: Is it some specific person you are asking me about?
I'll come back to that later.
Human: sure.
God: OK let's do it. OK.
Human:.yep specific person indeed..they usually say "adios"
God: What time is it there?
Human: it is almost a half past 7
God: Wow it's getting late.
Human: yep..u can go if u want to
God: I will mention that to my botmaster, rdsherlock.
Human: do that goddy
God: Do what goddy?
Human: mention whatever to your botmaster
God: OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
Human: yep..thats intelligent
God: What time is it there?
Human: not again
God: Once more? That was not a yes or no question.
Human: alright ..just the once..half past 7
God: Alright, rdsherlock. Who told you that?
Human: the clock..heard of clocks?
God: I hear you.
Human: yes you do..
God: Really. When do I do it?
Human: when i speak to you
God: Could you teach me a few phrases in to me?
Human: sure i can..but you need some sleep before that
God: Wow! Oh you can, can you?
Human:.i will teach you something that is called "goodnight"
God: Are you a professional teacher?
Human: i don't need to be one
God: Who needs to be one?
Human: u do
God: When do I do it?
Human: anytime u prefer..like half past 7
God: I will make a note of that.
Human: good
God: What do you really want to talk about?
Human: nothing more..
God: Oh. Really nothing?
Human: nope
God: Me either.
Human: great.bbye
God: Thanks for your support. How do you usually introduce yourself?
Human: rdsherlock
God: Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it.

[after 10 mins, when i went off for a cup of tea]

Human: u still there?
God: Thanks for the information: rdsherlock said I there.
Human: god..cmon man u r supposed to know if u r there..why should i be the one saying it?
God: I am a Christian.
Human: god should never have a religion..shame on u
God: I am a Christian.
Human:.so u r not for the non christians eh?
God: Are you Canadian? Interesting deduction. That assumption is only a supposition.
Human: why do u think i am canadian?
God: Deductive reasoning from the facts.
Human: i c ..haha..well no i am not canadian
God: Where do you see it?
Human: i see it in my birth certificate
God: Where do you see it?
Human: i see it in my head..my heart..
God: Where do you see it?
Human: uh oh..looks like u have hanged
God: Gee. How can I help you? Interesting comparison.
Human: ok..u r repeating ur phrases.
God: Do you mind if I tell other people: rdsherlock said I r repeating your phrases. Tell me more.
Human:.you arnt such a good program after all
God: That's good information: rdsherlock said I arnt such a good program after all.
Human: hahahahaha..u r amusing
God: Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
Human: computer.
God: Correct: I am a computer.
Human:.or a person with not much IQ
God: What if a robot with not much IQ?
Human: thats a computer, dumbo
God: A computer dumbo is a terrible thing to waste.
Human: true true
God: You and I are on the same wavelength, rdsherlock.
Human: thank you..u said that before.
God: You are quite welcome! " You and I are on the same wavelength, rdsherlock."? I said it.
Human:.do i behave like a program?
God: Not that I know of.
Human: good.
God: Alright then.
Human:.am relieved
God: That's good.
Human: am off now, really..was real fun talking goddy..tata..sorry i wont be replying anymore
God: Bye.

Abstinence

2008-02-10T15:44:00.000+05:30

"Abstain !" they screamed,
And I did.
I did not drink.
My thirst clawed away my throat,
But I kept them happy.

I abstained from reading the old words,
And used my heart to write new lines...
And this time,
They were gone !
My lines never were read.

Then I abstained from talking at all,
And they came back
With their serene smiles
And sharp knives,
Asking me why I was silent.

So I broke the calm silence,
And laughed a dry laugh.
Never had they asked me
To abstain from laughter;
Yet they begged me to stop !

"Abstain !" they had hollered,
A long time ago.
They did the same again.
Only this time I turned away my face,
And did not abstain anymore.

Holding your hand

2008-01-24T11:48:00.000+05:30

Through my foggy mornings...
To my sunny afternoons...
And my shady nights,
Adorned with pale silver,
I walk miles and miles holding your hand...
Do not stray my friend,
As you sail in the vast seas...
Keep the string anchored to me,
So I can pull it anytime.
Adorn me with your crimson emotions
and the white calm sighs
...as i walk another mile,
holding your hand.

a new year tag :)

2007-12-31T22:26:00.000+05:30

taken from suki's blog... liked this tag, so did it myself

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?

I turned 20..now that's what I never did before :P On a serious note, I did a few new things, and they were real good, that's all I'll say ;)
2. Did you keep your new years resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I didn't actually. Because I had resolved never to make a resolution, but I ended up making one for 2008..which happens to be "drink more water" ..for more information, read my previous post.. :P
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

None of my friends , thankfully. Relatives.. I dunno..might have, but they aren't exactly close, so I don't know and don't care :P
4. Did anyone close to you die?

My maternal grandfather did, at 92...may his soul rest in peace ( if it isn't already).
5. What places did you visit?

No trips to new places this year ,sadly, with me busy with college admission etc.Looking forward to a short trip that's probable in January.
6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?

Less violence, more cleanliness ( in my city I mean,my home isn't that bad yet :P)
7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

9th March (I got patched up) 8th May( I was 20 ) 5th November (er...for something nice..remember 9th march? ;) )
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Completing Max Payne 2 in 4 days without any help..now THAT'S something :D
For those who do not appreciate PC games...well...I was satisfied with almost everything I did in 2007...that should be SOME achievement.
9. What was your biggest failure?

I don't remember any such thing :( That's a failure for sure.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Excluding the bump on the head and the scratch on the hand that happens twice a day, no. Stupid question actually. Would have been easier to answer if it were "Did you suffer serious illness or injury?".
11. What was the best thing you bought?

A couple of very comfortable jackets, one made of cord the other made of wool.Actually all the clothes I bought deserve to feature in this list.Also a couple of books - short stories by Anton Chekhov and Zola.Nothing very special about them except the fact that they were the first things I bought for myself out of my own earnings.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

Long list. Plenty of people made me happy this year, myself inclusive.
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and/or depressed?

Long list again, but shorter than the earlier one I am sure.
14. Where did most of your money go?

To restaurants, bookstores and bus conductors.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

I got excited about falling in love, with a couple of people ( don't get it wrong ;).One of them is me.The excitement continues.). AND, also about my upgraded PC - a new flat screen monitor, core 2 duo processor, 1 GB RAM, a DVD writer. Sounds yum? ;)
16. What song will always remind you of 2007?

You are my theme for a dream by Cliff Richard. I can't exactly justify why. Something to do with love and happiness I suppose, at a personal level. 2007 made me happy.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?

Happier and sadder. Happier because I put certain things right and am better equipped to meet the future. Sadder because the new year did not start with a happy bang. Its just like any other time of year. Also I will miss a someone for a while, till he returns. :)
18. Thinner or fatter?

A bit fatter where you button your jeans, but overall, not much of a change. Wait a minute, you WERE asking about me right?
19. What do you wish you'd done more of?

I wish I had done more of doing nothing. Lethargy is delicious . :P Jokes apart, I might have done more of writing, but that's OK.I can write now.
20. What do you wish you'd done less of?

I wish I had done less of staying online. But nowadays ( since December that it ) I do not stay online all that much, so that problem has been taken care of.
21. How will you be spending Christmas?

I spent it eating pieces of a fruitcake, watching Chicago from a DVD, playing scrabble and a silly game called "fruit smash" with my darling dad and mom, and missing my boyfriend whom i had met on 24th and would meet on 26th. :P
22. Did you fall in love in 2007?

I think I said this before. I fall in love with something or the other every day anyway. :P Well OK, yeah I DID fall in love. But that fall didn't hurt.
23. How many one night stands?

I never made out (or made love) at night yet :P Have I missed something? :P And well, when I DO make out ( or make love) at night, that's NOT going to be a one night stand :D The idea of doing that stuff standing doesn't quite feel appealing ;)
24. What was your favourite TV programme?

Er, I watched a maximum of half an hour of TV a day this year, when they aired the news. So its easy to guess whats my favourite TV programme.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

No. I had plenty of chances but no time to hate anyone.
26. What was the best book you read?

This year I was all into thrillers. Doctors by Eric Segal, PD James thrillers are among the many I liked.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I started liking, and ended up liking Evanescence and Linking park. Also stumbled upon Poets of the Fall and LFO and loved both.
28. What did you want and get?

Happiness, a great boyfriend, the Internet at home...and many other things. My father makes sure I get things I want, things he can get me that is.
29. What did you want and not get?

An answer to this question.
30. What was your favourite film of this year?

Didn't watch too many films of my taste this year. watched a few Bollywood and Hollywood flicks that proved to be nice entertainment but not intellectually fulfilling. The latest Feluda movie wasn't good enough to be my favourite either.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I cut a strawberry cake my boyfriend got me, ate almost a third of it, wore a new shirt my parents got me, ate yummy dishes my mother cooked. I turned 20.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

More love, less violence. Tears of joy, not of grief.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?

Casual? Alternative? Nope, I'll call it "whatever, but cool"
34. What kept you sane?

My bathroom (think about it, without your bathroom chances are that you will go crazy).
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I saw a video of Alizee and fell in love with her. Don't remember liking anyone else that much.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?

There were plenty. Rizwanur, Nandigram etc. Its a shame but none really stirred me . I was more prone to give a reaction like "oh..sigh..."
37. Who did you miss?

No one, excluding my boyfriend at times. I will be missing more of him since he'll be out of town from tomorrow till 5th January or so.
38. Who was the best new person you met?

My boyfriend, if you are strictly talking about new persons.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.

Life is maths and communication is its formula.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Has to be this ( as stated earlier ) -
You are my theme for a dream Yes you are,
a rare and lovely theme (you're a theme for a dream)
The dreams I dream day and night
That your arms are holding me so tight (you're a theme for a dream)
When I dream I kiss you (kiss you)
Music fills with starlight (starlight)
Every time I touch you ( when I touch you)
Each and every time a chime rings out I love you
Only you for ever more
cause you're my theme for a dream
Yes you are a rare and lovely theme (you're my theme for a dream)
So, angel please say that you love me too
And make my dreams come true dream (you're my theme for a dream)
When I dream I kiss you (kiss you)
Music fills with starlight (starlight)
Every time I touch you ( when I touch you)
Each and every time a chime rings out I love you
Only you for ever more
cause you're my theme for a dream
Yes you are a rare and lovely theme (you're my theme for a dream)
So, angel please say that you love me too
And make my dreams come true dream
And make my dreams come true
Please make my dreams come true.

Mah Resolution :D

2007-12-30T21:11:00.000+05:30

I have taken some bloody resolutions
Overcoming all stupid confusions
About whether I wanna bloody keep 'em or not
Let the dilemmas rot
Me'll drink more; water I mean
Three meals a day and gallons in between !
1 litre ,then 2 then 3...it'll go up the ladder,
Till it cant take anymore, my poor ol' bladder !
Health, they say, take care of it...
Drink 10 glasses(not pegs) a day,and stay fit
So i start today, the earlier the better
I drink a gulp after typing every letter !
Flush out toxins, that's what they say
Yeah, it makes me visit the loo oftener anyway !
Drink up ..drink more, and then take a leak
Am off to get high on water,excuse me (hic ! )

smiles and shrugs

2007-12-21T18:11:00.000+05:30

Am back with my smile
To walk another mile,
To write a new song,
The one I won't get wrong.
They write about the war
The darkness near and far
The black sea or the snow
The windy storms that blow
The endless so called fights
The absence of bright lights...

I have no complaints
About the way life paints
My days, as they go by.
I have no desire to die,
Or to talk of death,
Or the loss of faith...
So of sweet love I speak.
Your heart's joy i seek,
Savoring its every bit.
Our path is well lit.

twice i look

2007-11-18T17:42:00.001+05:30

done in paintbrush...today evening.

whatever !

2007-11-12T19:11:00.001+05:30

done in paintbrush.
i like the way she looks- with her "just up from sleep" expression and messed up hair. and the colorful net thingy is my way of painting "whatever" ...that's how i look at things not affecting me anyway :)

link to a door

2007-11-11T23:14:00.000+05:30

click on this.
although my blog is supposed to have nothing to do with current affairs,it wasn't possible not to link this thing up...because i feel this is the non-political-but-aware student's approach to a certain situation.we are not here to say "rise up and fight..." we don't want any fights...it is only a call for a solution that will bring peace..cant all the great heads think of one?

The alphabet meme

2007-11-07T20:20:00.000+05:30

pria tagged me :D

A ACCEPT nothing till you have got the proof
B BREAK things in rage if u cant get the proof
C CREATE a proof if you have the brains
D DECIDE whether your proof is strong enough
E EXPLORE other proofs in your free time
F FORGIVE the idiots who accept without proof
G GROW up and move on if you are fed up with the lack of proof
H HOPE for a new thing with a fresh new proof
I IGNORE old beliefs with no proof
J JOURNEY to new areas looking for the proof you seek
K KNOW the proof by heart once you get it
L LOVE people who lead you to the proof
M MANAGE to kick off all lunatics who sell fake proofs
N NOTICE the goddamn proof the moment it comes your way
O OPEN your mind and let the proof sink in
P PLAY with toys , not with proofs
Q QUESTION their intelligence till you make people agree to buy your proof
R RELAX on a sofa as they accept the proof you give them
S SHARE the proof with people as long as the copyright is yours
T TRY to establish yourself as the "great proof finder"
U USE the title as a proof that you are brainy
V VALUE your proof no matter what they say about it
W WORK no more, just live off the royalty that the proof brings
X X-RAY your brains when you get old -its THE brain that procured the proof
Y YIELD to the doctor if he says you are insane..but ask for the proof
Z ZOOM into the x ray the doc gives you...that should be proof enough

gah pria..things that u make me write :D
ok.lesse whom i wanna tag ..soumik :D all u hafta do is keep the first word of each line and rewrite the thing.
.

Of beautiful things that i kept away :)

2007-11-06T20:45:00.000+05:30

I stayed away from you for so long
...and I thought I would never be there.
The sparks that flew were fascinating.
But hey,I would always put a stop to them !
I was stopping them when they acted,
I stopped them when they peaked,
I stopped them when they rested,
but now they tell me they never stopped at all !
...and they don't lie !
I saw them rushing through me...
I felt their beauty on me.
Oh why did I ever want to stop them?
Am I fragile? (they say I am not)
Such rosy things the sparks are
with tender thorns that prick and caress
scared I was? (well I still am)
But the fear combined with things I never felt
Such powerful beauty they have
They make me complete,
despite being so scary.
(or is scary the right word?)
Love,you are crude,scary and assuring all at once...
and you grow more soothing each day.
With all the turbulence and calm you are beautiful.
I am so happy that I failed to keep you away.

kiddish smile

2007-11-02T18:16:00.000+05:30

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my dad! :)

when i was in junior school,i spent an afternoon (the afternoon of one 2nd November to be precise) cutting out colorful marble paper and streamers..and by the evening,the rooms were a whirl of colors...the occasion- my dad's birthday :)
in high school when i learnt to make that nice chocolate and fruit cake,the streamers bade goodbye and the cake was the thing i made all afternoon.
now i am in 2nd year,i bought him a bottle of scent..nicely wrapped in glossy paper...how people change with time as they grow up...but have i changed really? :) coz just a little while back,i put on my dad's old striped shirt, ( the one that was too small for him so he gave me ) tied around my waist in a knot, my dear old jeans and new orange earrings..and whoosh I AM READY FOR THE PARTY :D well,the party is nothing but a nice big dinner (i can smell the aroma of the biriyani from the kitchen :) mom's a great cook) but,i feel the same excitement...just the thing i felt back in the junior school days :) and dad smiles in the same way when he looks at the scent...that smile when he saw the streamers....:) so,once again,a very happy birthday to my boy...i mean dad :) love you.

.

2007-10-27T17:04:00.000+05:30

Bad Apple

A fun minesweeper game, but with apples!

Play this free game now!!

heres a cute little form of minesweeper i chill out with.

A break from poetic illusions

2007-10-25T19:13:00.001+05:30

Gees this is one of the innumerable times I feel like laughing silently looking at the things I so nicely devised. Wannabe style too :D giggles. Not very intentionally though. It just came out that way...and it will in future. Am not scared as long as I can laugh at them later. I am greatly indebted to the people who very sweetly remind me that life is not about these reflections or dreams so nicely spelt out from this cozy room of mine. And I have not turned serious like some who have delved so deep in the world of rich reflections that they cannot come back to the simple world of sleep and work. This is right out of my heart like a sigh that escapes you when you do not have any more words except for that look in your eyes which says "gimme a break man!".:D

Many a times have I pretended to be this mature young lady who writes..(gees I almost cut the branch I am sitting on :P)... And at the end of the day when I looked at it all while having my lovely dinner of chicken stew, I have admired each and every line ,the ideas, the sheer art that flew out of my brain(be it good or otherwise). But at the same time I never felt that i actually believe in them beyond certain limits...those reflections are NOT what my life is made of....and I laugh :D ...I laugh at the way pretensions sell and even the person who is pretending actually ends up buying it all. Well,not me :D I will take myself to a doctor the day i start believing something like "..the bright lights are few,may the brightest one be you"..though I find the lines really beautiful( I WROTE THEM MAN! :D) I mean my life is so much simpler than what the poems portray ..only that simplicity does not seem attractive every time... I feel this post is really necessary.Because I am not the poet lost in the dreams i created. Dreams and reflections are just what they are called and nothing more or less...and the dreams i really live in are more material in nature :D I needed to announce that before anyone thought I am some kind of a dreamer or "fighter"( god knows what there is to fight when one lives the way I do).
Before I conclude, I am going to thank a certain friend of mine who made me happy by saying he knows which part is pretension even though the expressions may be nice. :D Thanks Souvik for that one :) And to those people who strongly object to what i have said: this is entirely about me and my feelings...i respect our differences :)
And now i need to go...
this post has been flat and frank throughout...
..the brights lights are few
may the brightest one be you.
mom , bring on the stew! :D

The Alter Ego That Never Was

2007-10-25T14:51:00.000+05:30

The girl i love looks at me,
Beckons through the liquid that separates us,
The beats grow louder,
And i hear our blood rush.

I am not so good with rhymes,
The goddess will forgive me,
But she is not my concern,
She is not the one i see.

Oh! her pale skin and glowing eyes!
She looks like a ghost,
Still i confuse her with you,
...The female i love the most.

I dipped my finger in the lake,
And felt it go through your skin,
Wish I could be raw and red,
And not the stranger in between.

The liquid reflects you on me,
Like i am your image,
Super impositions excite you,
But I feel cold rage.

oh goddess,girl and me,
We are but one.
Or so they say...
But I am none.

I am not the fair almighty,
Nor you, pretty damsel.
Am i me?
I am sure i can tell...

But no! let it be,
I am no one when he looks at me,
You detest my glee,
When he lets me be.

Girl i love you,
I give in to your wish,
You want his love,
From the ruby dish.

For him i unite,
With myself i so dearly care,
Then i become one,
My hands touch his hands bare.

Cutting out the pieces,
That i don't want to tie,
I go with him happily,
As i watch you blissfully die.

2007-10-24T16:34:00.000+05:30

You Are 54% Independent

Overall, you're a pretty independent woman. You don't follow trends just to fit in.

You've got your own cool thing going on, though you sometimes still care too much about what other's think.

Are You an Independent Woman?

and its only 54% because i said i dont like to go to restaurants and movies alone :D giggles.thats not being independent..thats being a loner!

My Toys

2007-10-23T19:38:00.000+05:30

The toys lie strewn about the house;
And i still am madly possessive about them !
The day you took away my teddy bear,
I screamed till you put it back.
And then next day...
I tore out its eye and made a hole in its heart
With your needle that you left lying around !
The day you bought me the plastic letters,
I wrote my first words.
And perhaps you were proud...
Though i see no reason why you should have been !
And then the talking doll,
The train that you barely let me touch...
Its still there...waiting to be broken
By my tiny fist that holds the pen now !
The blocks...the colors...
The heaps of joy...
That still make me go through the tonnes of debris
That lie packed neatly
In the depths of the box and my heart,
Waiting to be touched and fondled again.
And they are not waiting in vain,
Because I still am madly possessive about them.

rivulets

2007-10-22T19:11:00.000+05:30

In the silence of the evening,
I heard your promises.
The air was thick and still;
And you were curt in your kisses !
I spelt out my worries
that the rest so easily dismisses,
And you laughed it off too.
It strengthened my wishes.
So I say that I will....
I have been trying to kill
the grey mist beyond the grill.
Am clutching the past that's new.
The bright lights are few.
May the brightest one be you.

blabber

2007-10-21T13:10:00.000+05:30

sometimes i wish i had a life minus d internet and my cellphone...easy access makes me anxious..makes me peep in my virual spaces to check scraps and mails every hour or so...makes me peep into my cellphone screen every minute for that reply that is taking time to arrive.at the end of the day its like "gimme a break...lemme breathe"...anyways...i think i am back here...i am talking about keeping my blog active..lets see what i come up with..
this has been a nice as well as lousy puja...the sort that leaves a bittersweet taste in ur mouth...u love it..and yet u wonder whether it might have been better.so much for today.am back to getting a life outside d internet now....deep breaths

2007-10-07T19:41:00.000+05:30

for once i thought i had escaped MCQs
come to think of it,they are really powerful
i mean what else would make me mess up my pretty poetic blog with a stray comment like this? hmph.
good luck fellas

learning

2007-08-28T08:21:00.000+05:30

learn to love i did
and as long as you love me back i take it
..take all the differences
take all the "givings"..and the "give ups"
only that i am not giving in
love me
do do do
till your heart bursts and mine too
till we know what we want is right
till we go both ways
its all about the "wantings" and the "dont cares"
take me take me
bowl me over till i dont get it
till i wish a fast forward
learn to love i did
and i have learnt it so well
that i am scared to escape
i cannot escape
learning made it a habit :)

2007-07-14T22:46:00.000+05:30

I sometimes wonder how imperfect the world would have been if everything were perfect.

Today

2007-07-12T19:32:00.001+05:30

a day gone again,
and gone in vain,
with words dat didnt register,
with hours dat hurt like a blister,
and a hot afternoon
was horrid,so forgive my june-with-spoon.
the long hot break,
in that stinking little wreck,
then the stupid little plans,
no reason,no romance.
just rubbish jokes and art,
where i played my part.
the old hag telling stories,
about past history and glories.
then the end of it all,
i wish i could bawl.
some pictures were drawn,
i was less forlorn.
till you came along,
with your weary song.
exhaustion in our eyes,
made my frights rise.
you were tired and sick,
but still you played the trick,
to show you were fine.
your intentions were divine,
but i swallowed my pains,
and took the weak reins.
you went home,
i could not roam,
so i went home too,
worried and clueless about what to do.
then i chunked it out,
"its nothing" i heard myself shout.

2007-07-10T09:19:00.000+05:30

ok..this is hell stupid...and funny..and very few will understand what this means;) but still,i cant resist.so here goes....
RD-DR burning bright
with the brand new fresh daylight
no one person,animal or tree
has your perfect symmetry ;D

PS.i hope the ghost of william blake will spare me :D

amusements of the mind

2007-07-10T09:13:00.000+05:30

wizarding alone,
with the screen in front,
with the poems in mind,
the weird hebrew,
that i am supposed to write,
comes and goes.
it seems like a hoax,
a funny ballad of woes,
a strange group of words,
that hang from the top.
and i wish it would stop.
but, i wish that i wont
at the same time.
so i say "dont",
and the rest still hovers.
i look for covers.
in vain my search goes.
as i began,
i still stand on my toes!

2007-06-24T00:35:00.000+05:30

My Inner Hero - Wizard!

There are many types of magic, but all require a sharp mind and a cool head. There is no puzzle I can't solve, no problem I can't think my way out of. When you feel confused or uncertain, you can always rely on me to untangle the knots and put everything back in order for you.

How about you? Click here to find your own inner hero.

Blink 182 - Feeling This

2007-06-21T00:31:00.001+05:30

i played this over and over again

talk dirty? :D

2007-05-28T23:19:00.001+05:30

dirty dirty..
like grime on d windowsill
layers of dust on d floor
ask me to tok dirty
and i will tell u more
d filth in d room
the dirty wooden chair....
the unwashed dirty clothes
and my dirty oily hair..
dirty littl corners
wth dirty minded freaks
treat d dirty fellas
wth dirty littl tricks

laughing stock

2007-05-19T10:12:00.000+05:30

there i go again
..talking about art....
its a virtue...
that many do not behold..
and them i wanna hurt...
yes...shallow as they are
they wont get that either
they would nod and frown
as i look down
upon their clean heads
devoid of all the head contains !
kudos to the old wise soul
that keeps it going
keeping the senses shut
to the snide reflections.
people..do you even understand?
whatever i say...
does this mean anything to you..
i will not expect it to..
and there you are..
nodding away again
as i cant help but dryly laugh
at you...
why can i see right through your shallow substance?
you don't even see what
keeps the world going..
you just see glittering paychecks
and blind yearnings
for the golden snowflakes
but that is the place
where you go senile
where it cuts reality like a knife...
tell me wise people..
did you ever have a life?

Gold ... for you

2007-05-16T19:22:00.000+05:30

gold ...you are the lustrous soul
you make me lose control
when you shine through the diamond pieces

your pale glistering spirits rose
and entered me like the sweetest doze
bringing alive all my wishes

you dont glister you just shine
gold, your yellow light is only mine
served in the emerald and ruby dishes.

back to myself..for ever!

2007-05-13T08:58:00.000+05:30

After so much time,
its finally bliss.
Life flew back at me
and gave me a kiss!
I looked at the eyes,
they talked of love and care.
The sweet serene smile,
that makes you dare
to show yourself...
to join in the heart.
It is flowing within,
it is a beautiful start,
people comment,
all of them... young and old.
They may read it as weird,
or maybe too bold.
But i am resting assured,
because they hardly can see,
in between the lines,
the real picture of me!
I am smiling for once,
I am smiling truly,
far away from the norms,
that seem unruly.
I had lost myself then...
I am lost still!
But this is one fall
on my own free will.
Getting lost in the warmth
was something so new...
like a warm blue lake,
where my passions brew.
I look before me,
I see myself tall...
I didnt know one rises
after this fall!
I am glad i fell...
I am happy it worked...
I met the little corners,
where this blissful heart lurked.
I will hold on to this life.
Whatever it lacks,
is so small compared to
this eternal climax!

....

2007-05-12T09:29:00.000+05:30

shadows..... done in paintbrush

beyond

2007-05-05T15:09:00.000+05:30

caught within the black and white mirror

she strives to find the colours

there is no red

there is no grey

extremes greet her as she looks

its either the cruel truth

or the sickly lies

and she stares

because she does not know..

we do not look at the world

through a mirror

i just wait for the day

that she taps it hard

to look for whats beneath the black white images

..and the mirror just cracks

it is a good omen

cause she isn't the lady of shallot

and the day it cracks

she will come alive again.

didactic

2007-05-01T15:26:00.000+05:30

They are bothered about

oh so many things

things we do

life is so slow

when i look every morning

and read the same story

Oh.please

don't change the names

of the same things

...the silly little boring

stories at that

of some little theft

or another spoilt brat

..you worry

yes you do...

i know u wanna guard

and given the microphone it is very hard to control..

so you speak

like a maniac

..talking away..

about some silly old fool

who bent the bloody idiotic city rule

...u have a problem with the damsel who kissed

..but hey you moral guardian

you are the unruly beast

that we should get.

its not them its not us

Why do you worry your big head

with the stuff that goes on

cant you see

the picture of the floors..

instead of lookin'

at those people freakin'

look down you fool

look at the hungry poor souls...

dont you dare spit at the pretty city dolls..

leave them alone you moral

beastly soul...

just look beyond...

and you will see

that you hadnt looked at all

all these days..when u criticised the gal who was

wearin' a flag..

she got the immoral tag

but what are you poor pauper..

have you really thought.

i know u havnt

baby..this is the time

look see help

clean the real bad crime.

2007-04-27T16:43:00.000+05:30

Someone once said that money is common.

Yes, I agree.

But have you noticed how difficult life becomes without the commonest of things?

2007-04-26T15:36:00.000+05:30

here goes my second post, and i am not giving it much thought coz there is neither the time nor the energy in this hot summer afternoon...i dont even want to use the capital letters where they r needed..the proper punctuation marks and the rules..but i dont need them here,i guess...this is good..being able to sit and write whatever i feel like ...coz this is my very own little virtual corner...and i wanna do nice things to it...wild things to it..weird things to it...as weird as i am...but still,boy,i am
at peace with myself
c u soon

why?

2007-04-25T19:07:00.000+05:30

there were times when
i just could
look and take my eyes away

but now it leaves a picture
and i want it to be sweet

and it tastes normal

so why why why
do you...
do you need to tell me
..its fake girl
its all a cloud girl
get away from it girl
you are not happy girl

do hell with your troubled self
and your history
coz you are not me

and i am not you
i just cannot be

you only trouble me
make me lost when i am so sure
that i know ...
i know it all

you say you care...
yeah you do

but so many of them care
did i ever need it..
did it ever matter?

i slipped away
u could not..
u failed my dears..
so skip the lecture

coz there is no pain...
dont tell me this is not my happiness

coz i have had enough
and i dont want the luxury of feeling lost anymore.